The twin towers
  • Metro has been rocked as the twin towers, Zack and Overdrive, have been injured by terror attacks. We received a video from a bicycle courier wearing a Burka earlier this morning. The video contains grainy footage of a man calling himself Osama Bill Laden claiming responsibility for the attacks. He has glasses and a long beard. He said the metro riders had it coming after years of snobbery and elitism and this is only the start. Metro are preparing a bombing raid in the soho area as sources claim he is hiding out there. There is a reward for £1000000 stirling for the capture of Bill Laden.
  • Bill Laden seems to have escaped our bombing raid but undercover sources have pointed to the house of pistard bomb proof basement. Our crack assassins will be heading there shortly. We suffered heavy losses today when we came up against creative freedom fighters with Kalishnakofs and no brakes.
  • Hmmm retaliation attacks for the loss of a certain piece of bicycle stopping equipment?
  • Ha! Metro only wishes they could claim credit for that...
  • assassins can't aim that well when they're on crack.

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