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      CommentAuthorwill
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2008
     
    "Being a shade pedantic" Miss Baise you might want to see if you can find the word 'acuaintance' in any dictionary; English dictionary, that is. What shade is that by the way; a whiter shade of up-your-own-arse?
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      CommentAuthorspirogiro
    • CommentTimeJun 17th 2008
     
    Going to find out who I am and what?

    Set me a spelling test perhaps?
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      CommentAuthorredrum
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2008 edited
     
    c*nt basie you talk so much shite, no one knows who you are therefore you feel you have some twisted advantage. Though in reality all your snide purile remarks are worthless as you do not have the ball to even reveal you identity. my name is david noakes, i'm happy to give people some sh*t because they know who i am, you on the otherhand have as much backbone as a jellyfish. Also the fact that you have worked for many companies, and been fired on various occasions doesn't really do you much good, maybe if you stopped being such a twat and grew up a bit you could successfully hold down a job.
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      CommentAuthor_targetbot
    • CommentTimeJun 18th 2008
     
    I've done well over 500 in a week at Metro. Computer was in kilometres though.

    I am now retired with a pension on Speedfast Island.

    My guess for C Basie's identity is: Vic. :devil:
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      CommentAuthorcaspar
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     
    Vic..................rofl.

    Could be Banjo though.
  1.  
    Well, I only worked at 5d Shepherd Street and Whitebear (tho I think I only got in the front door once - so let's call it Back Hill) and I must know you, but I have no idea who you are...
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      CommentAuthorredrum
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008
     
    @lumpypedals see what happens when you ask messengers a simple question! were going to have to organise a WWE style cage match to settle this dispute and find the true identity of The Count.
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      CommentAuthorwill
    • CommentTimeJun 19th 2008 edited
     
    BAISE - THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY. This account of the life of the world's greatest courier is published on July 1st by Velo Press. Few have achieved as much in life as the celebrated Miss Basie. Here are just a few of her achievements:
    *Invented the bicycle (or Baisycle to give it it's proper name)
    *Came up with the idea of using a yellow jersey to identify the leader of the Tour de France (an event she won a record breaking 25 times)
    *Negotiated the Treaty Of Versailles
    *Carved Mount Rushmore
    *First person to swim the channel in her sleep
    *Found the source of the Nile and Amazon - in one weekend
    *Coined the phrase "You go girl"
    *Wrote, directed, produced and starred in the popular Die Hard series of films. Repeated this success with her Indiana Jones franchise
    *Survived the San Francisco earthquake, the bombing of Hiroshima, the Tsunami, the Somme and that Glastonbury that was like, really ,really wet
    *Tracked down and captured Lord Lucan
    *Had affairs with Marilyn Monroe, Jacky O, Madonna and the late Queen Mother
    *Provided the inspiration for the book The Man In The Iron Mask
    *Piloted the ill fated Apollo 13 safely back to earth
    *Patented the Bourbon biscuit
    *Starred in the famous 'Hello Boys' Wonder-bra ad campaign
    *Through her television reporting alerted the world to the famine in Ethiopia, leading to the Band Aid single for which she also wrote the music and lyrics
    *Her 'Screaming Popes' triptych fetched a record price for a living painter
    *Brokered the Camp David accords between Israel and Egypt (which led to her fourth Nobel prize; the others being in Literature, Chemistry and Sexual Healing)
    *Was the inspiration for the film character Dirk Diggler
    *Brought the good news from Ghent to Aix
    *Designed (and single handedly built) the Pompidou centre in Paris
    *Introduced the 'New Look' which revolutionised post war women's fashion
    *First person to ride a fixed wheel baisicle WITHOUT BREAKS on a public road
    *Liberated Dachau in her lunch break
    *Voice of the cartoon character Homer Simpson
    *Worked for loads of courier companies and mostly got sacked and spent twenty years whingeing about it.

    Publicity photos will not be available
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      CommentAuthorThe.Pike
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2008 edited
     
    your all F CKING W NKERS! WHATEVR! I know who I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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      CommentAuthor_targetbot
    • CommentTimeJun 20th 2008
     
    Count Banjo it is then.

    Just remembered it can't be Vic after he martyred himself by riding into Canary Wharf at 17.5mph and exploding harmlessly.
    • CommentAuthorDazzler
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2008
     
    Left my computer on the bike after Stonehenge...

    Monday - Thursday last week 300 miles.
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      CommentAuthorBad Man
    • CommentTimeJul 3rd 2008
     
    Any time you want, jus gimme de docket;
    Any place you want, you know I will rock it.
    Me have sixteen gun inna me pocket -
    Dats why me leave me bike and me dont have to lock it.
    Bad man nah laugh, bad man nah smile;
    When bad man a work, it's ragamuffin style.
    Me ride from Glasgow down to Carlisle;
    From Mon to Fri me cover two thousand mile.
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      CommentAuthorIron Eye
    • CommentTimeJul 4th 2008
     
    Two thousand mile? More like two thousand metre.
    Before you reach one mile, you totter and teeter.
    You're out of breath, dehdrated, so you drink half a litre
    Of lucozade. Then you call a cab firm for a 7 seater.
    The driver is friendly, and his name is Peter.
    Because you have a bike, he adds extra on the meter.
    He offers you some starchy food, but you're a simple carb eater
    so you stick to the glucose, because that stuff's sweeter.
    You're really unfit, sweaty, so he turns off the heater.
    You got a taxi to work? Ha! What a cheater.