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Control Box: Stupid and embarrassing crashes

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  1.  
    Monday I was riding to work. It was wet.

    Approaching a junction; just as I reach it, the lights go amber. All the cars stop, I carry on forward and end up with the whole road to myself.

    As I've got the road to myself, no cars I feel it's safe to sit up and ride no-handed for a bit, to give my back a rest.

    Front wheel turns, bike starts to fall over. Try to grab the bars but no, the road is so slippery that nothing I can do will save me. Feet come off the pedals, shoes slip on the wet road nd I collapse in a heap over my bike.

    I go to jump back on my bike and ride off immediately, but it ain;t goin forward... my front wheel is buckled to fuck.

    Great...



    Share your stories of cycling stupidity, it might make me feel better.
  2.  
    It was almost EXACTLY like this video:

    •  
      CommentAuthorechums
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2008
     
    I've got a good one, the long hill from notting hill down to ladbroke grove, if you get the timing right you can hit every light on green. I used to get it right most days on the way back from school. One day it was raining and I wasnt quite going fast enough to get the last one, I was sprinting so hard that I thought "keep going and hope for the best" because it felt like if i even touched the brakes i'd wipe out. Last crossing, sure enough a black cab, i went straight through the passenger window so that my upper body was next to the driver and my waist and legs were hanging out the window. No helmet.

    Miraculously, no cuts, one big bag bruise across my stomach and a sore elbow. Stupid, but very lucky.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchewy
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2008 edited
     
    haha,yeah, i had one on the lights between buckingham gate and beressenden palce. I had stopped(because that junction is never kind to me:( ) right past the crossing ,unclipped my right foot and was leaning on it.I think i must of started to get bored so i started moving about when i lose balance sitting on my top top,tryed in vain to unclip my left foot and slowly toppled over.not only was i in full veiw of traffic,pedestrions crossing,etc to add to the embaressment my foot was stuck in for a good 15 seconds.i got back up and really wanted wanted to ride away as fast as i could but i was going to 111 buck pal and traiffic was still going so i just soaked the embassment by pretending to check my bike for damage lol
    • CommentAuthorifbm
    • CommentTimeMar 11th 2008
     
    ok, cycling fast down Brewer st one evening a pedestrian stepped out in front of me, after swerving around him I looked back to scream "watch where you're going you c*nt" and promptly crashed into two bin bags and went arse over tit, literally, whats more I was kind of new to spds and had a lot of trouble disengaging with the bike on top of me. The upshot was that the man I'd just shouted at ended up helping me get upright (not surprisingly he was laughing). I mumbled thank you and rode away as quick as my bruised legs could pedal,
  6.  
    always take a bow and milk the applause after a class crash. You'll feel better. I have never crashed, but the other day I had a quality run in with a ped. He was stood in the middle of the lane watching me approach at high speed. he stepped forward, changed his mind and then stepped backward, then changed his mind and stepped forward again, then changed his mind again. this went on about five times, all the while I am screaming at him to get out of the way. Just as I was passing he stepped backwards, and I hit him with my shoulder and sent him flying. Luckily, both me and my bike were ok. silly people.
    • CommentAuthorsleepy
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    "I have never crashed"

    then how do you know this:

    "always take a bow and milk the applause after a class crash. You'll feel better"

    :crazy:
  8.  
    well, I have never crashed on the job. I have keeled over at a few traffic lights, but thats cos I was pissed so it doesn't count. I crashed on manchester velodrome once, Scraped the skin of my arms and legs and knocked a guy out with my bike. that was pretty fun.
    •  
      CommentAuthoroverdrive
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    Yesterday,while windy as f*ck,I was adjusting my bag no-hands stylie when a gust from nowhere knocked me off.I must of looked like I was having a fight with the bike as I rolled around on the tarmac.Ha ha ha what a cnut!
    •  
      CommentAuthorBuffalo Bill
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008 edited
     
    Riding down a road in Crouch End, weaving through the centre line.

    Whack!

    On the ground. In front of a bus queue. So badly winded that I could barely crawl to the gutter. People from bus queue come over 'you alright' etc.

    Me barely able to speak 'yeah >cough< yeah m fine...' whimper.

    So embarrassed I had to hobble off to nearby park to lie down.

    Oh, did I mention that I was stoned and pissed?

    Muppet.
  11.  
    After a jolly evening at a fine bar serving the most satisfying vodkatinis known to man

    Riding to my host's (Andy Zalan) house up a straight road.

    Whack!

    Parked car. Hand. Impact.

    'What happened, man, are you ok?'

    >groan< m ok, m fine etc

    Muppet.
  12.  
    What a great thread!
    •  
      CommentAuthorSideshow
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    Westminster Bridge approach. My chain's really fucked (other messangers have started commenting on it now) and if I apply to much sudden pressure in a high gear (i.e. traffic lights) then it just comes off. This happened as I was about to get on to the W'Mins bridge, threw me totally off balance. The motorbike couriers made sure I was ok but the cars didn't stop. People came running from the pavement, which was great until I realised they were running to make a bus. Few cuts and bruises.

    Happened on 3rd day of job and instilled me with 'the fear' for the rest of the week.
    • CommentAuthoreggpie
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    Riding through traffic in Lewisham. I'm in the inside lane, while a small girl in the car on my right keeps watching me and pulling faces. I'm smiling back. Its making lewisham fun. I'm beside them still, but now on the white line between lanes as we go into the roundabout. She smiles at me. As I leave the roundabout I look across and wave. I look back and the white van that was on my left is now in front of me and not moving. Slam.

    Bent fork, large lump on head and one very puzzled little girl looking back at me driving away..
    • CommentAuthoreggpie
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    After a very drunken film festival party. Riding home no handed because Im still holding and drinking one (possibly two?) beers. Approach the last corner. Forget to turn. Ride straight across the road and into a large wooden fence. Spend several minutes on the floor still strapped to bike and holding/drinking remains of beer before realizing I'm about 10 metres from my house and can probably just walk home from here..
    •  
      CommentAuthorcaspar
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    Like others here I should be able to add plenty, but I can't remember alot of them because of beer and things.

    I can remember trackstanding on Shacklewell St waiting to pull onto Bethnal Green Rd, with a car behind me. As the traffic opened up I started to move forward and flopped onto my side with out moving. The car driver got out to help, but he was laughing............I waited until he had driven off and noticed a patch of fresh oil right where my back wheel was.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSideshow
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    When I was younger, cycling really fast down my back alley in the middle of the night, likely stoned out of my mind. Seeing the skip blocking the entire path just milliseconds before hitting it and ending up inside of it.
    • CommentAuthorsleepy
    • CommentTimeMar 13th 2008
     
    i've had too many, i'm certain this topic has come up before so you'll be able to find on here if you're that bothered...

    anyways a very good friend came into the bike shop i work at a few years ago, she'd crashed her bike and the wheels were rubbing. i then noticed the black expanded polystyrene bits in her hair, i check her helmet and it has clearly done what it was made to do- front of it completely impacted, the thing was falling apart. very surprised that she would have had such a serious crash and not mention much apart from "my wheels are rubbing" i ask exactly what happened. she wouldn't tell me in the shop and said she'd tell me out back: basically she'd had a few to drink and while riding home down a very steep backroad in crouch end had decided to go the rest of the way down the hill with her eyes closed, unsurprisingly she went head first into a parked car.
    •  
      CommentAuthorchewy
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2008
     
    Christ!!! lol she was embarrased haha
    •  
      CommentAuthorThe.Pike
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2008
     
    riding back to the hostel in Basel CH. pissing with rain approches a tram junction, hits a track, slides 10meters on my arm jumps up and grabs a handful of chips off a random outdoor diner, jumps on me bike round the corner screams like blue murder! i was v/drunk but styled it out beautifully...............well i think so!
  21.  
    @sleepy

    lol
  22.  
    Fixed a front wheel puncture.

    Wheel back in bike, rolling down the pavement. Think: did I tighten the front wheel? Hmm. If I lift it... >falling< Think: no I didn't.

    Whack!

    While I am lying on the ground, some guy takes a picture.
    • CommentAuthorMomentum
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2008
     
    Riding home after a few beers and loving my "tight track geometry" as I weave around things on the road cos there's no traffic. Get a bit carried away and do a last minute jink to avoid a manhole cover - I'd done a few of these and was getting really into it. Except this time my front wheel can't take the pressure (28 spokes on a weinmann rim - rubbish) and tacos. I go over the bars and hit the deck like a sack of shit. Stoned rasta comes and asks if I'm ok as I realise that I've shattered my collar bone. Go and chill on the pavement and a dude comes and asks for 10p (I was on my way home to brixton), realises I'm not alright and calls 999 and then gets into an argument with the operator cos he doesn't want to give his name. I go and spend a few hours in casualty while the 5-0 take my bike home. Got the plate taken out a month ago and only have a massive scar as a souvenir...
  24.  
    i might as well bring up this one from last year, when i had just started couriering

    “Riding down a quiet back street, at a fairly steady pace. I’ve got a plastic cup stuck in my wheel (don’t ask me why. If I explained it, you’d only get confused). This cup’s making a really annoying sound. Rather than do the normal, sensible thing and stop to take it out with my hands, I use my super intelligence and decide to try and knock it out with my foot while I’m still going along.”

    First try, unsuccessful. Cup still present, sound still annoying.

    Second try: well, here’s the evidence.

    Exhibit A:



    Exhibit B:



    The evidence suggests that this courier’s foot got stuck in the front wheel. Due to the front wheel’s abrupt cease in motion caused by the front foot, in addition with the forward momentum of the bicycle and the cyclist’s body, the cyclist was catapulted to the ground quicker than you can say “Arghh f*cking hell what did I do that for?!”.

    The cyclist’s foot became trapped so far in the wheel that he could not remove it without the help of a rather kind geezer. Four spokes were torn from the rim in the incident.
    •  
      CommentAuthorGertie
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2008
     
    Heading into work two winters ago. Hit the humpback bridge over the canal on Noel St to realise it's covered in a sheet of ice THWACK on the deck, sit up to look at the radiator of the following car inches- sorry centimetres- from my nose, try to get up but I'm still on the ice and do TWO perfectly executed Buster Keatonesq tumbles before finally get up retrieving my bike and heading home.
  26.  
    I was proceeding along High Holborn in a westerly direction and moved out to pass a parked private hire vehicle (mini cab) as I did i noticed a bus approcahing me from the rear so I moved over a bit. A bit too much as it turned out because next thing I know Im leaning against the side of the cab with my arm through the now broken window. The bus driver stopped and opened his door "Id leg it mate if I was you"

    Oh alright then. The result, a chipped bone in my forearm and me avoiding High Holborn for a bit
  27.  
    When I was about 12, I rode 6 miles to a neighbouring village to pre-pubescently stalk some sisters that got the school bus with me.

    When I got near their house, I saw them hanging out on the street corner with a couple of mates. I rode towards them, and suddenly thought "hey man, brakes are like totally uncool and shit; I'm going to be ultra stylish, and stop the bike by jamming my foot against the tyre, just behind the front forks".

    I went over the handlebars very quickly - like something out of a cartoon - and smashed face first into the ground, acquiring an instant blood-goatee.

    They were WELL impressed, obviously.
    •  
      CommentAuthorwinston
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2008
     
    on the way back to London form a London-Paris-London ride I casually cycled up to the Immigration control booth, I couldn't unclip and fell sideways on to my face...not really a crash but hugely embarassing ...compounded by the fact that one of the giggling officials knew me from school.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSideshow
    • CommentTimeMar 14th 2008
     
    Had a quality one today, the kinda spill that this thread was surely designed for.

    Was heading down a really steep cobble-stoned alley today, at the bottom of it was a very, very busy Lower Thames Street. Realising I didn't want to just cruise into it, I was braking near the bottom. At the very bottom of this alley, there was a pavement. I thought I'd do a little jump onto the kerb -and- brake simultaneously. The results were my back wheel just flipping up and over me, leaving in a confused and painful tangle on the ground. About 50 motorists saw it and laughed and beeped. Short and sweet... ahhh...
  30.  
    After a few Friday night drinks at the Duke, I was riding east along Old St on a fixed wheel with cowhorn bars with brake levers mounted on the end of the bars, and decided to show off to whoever I was riding with by skidding across the junction with St John St. I make it almost all the way over, then a pedestrian steps out, and I instinctively grab the brake levers and go straight over the bars. This is why you should use inboard brake levers if you're going to skid a lot....
  31.  
    Hahahahaha!

    Let's conjugate:

    I'm a muppet
    You're a muppet
    He's a muppet
    We are muppets.
    •  
      CommentAuthorThe.Pike
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2008
     
    your fuckin drunk!
    •  
      CommentAuthorThe.Pike
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2008
     
    im fuckin drunk!
    •  
      CommentAuthorThe.Pike
    • CommentTimeMar 15th 2008
     
    every1 is fuckin drunk
  35.  
    Where you lot are:
    i pulled up to a drop at Smoke and mirrors last "summer" 1st day in clipless pedals, couldn't un-clip fell over into a mud puddle.

    Where I'm from:
    few winters back when drinking was still a big thing for me i was riding home from macromonday (cheap food, and lots of sake) with this girl i had seen there a few times, we are coming down the hill at 16th st its raining, and you cannot see round the corner to see if anything is coming down the four lane road, shes skidding next to and behind me, i wait to long to lock up the rear wheel, and then do it over a patch of ice, slide across 2 of the 4 lanes and stop just as a taxi wizzes past in the third.

    same place just last week minus girl and boooze
    i should have changed me cleats and i knew this... coming down the hill go to skid it, right foot pops out, left leg swings round, balls hit top tube, left leg swings round again balls hit top tube again, i grab the front brake and stop at the junction with a red face and sore sack.

    I also road my road bike into a creek, to this day im not sure what happened. going down a bike path at around 10am on sunday, see the bridge over the creek, think i should take the bridge over the creek, SPLASH, jump out of the creek, realize bike is just past my reach into the creek... had to ask a passing roodie for help getting it back.
    •  
      CommentAuthorcaspar
    • CommentTimeMar 17th 2008
     
    I remember cycling onto New Oxford St, from Oxford St (Green lights!) and a about 1 meter ahead of me a large fella stepped right into my path. I hit him square on & sent him flying. He took all of the momentum, I was fine so I started to remonstrate loudly at him.

    He waited 'til I finished my first bout of swearing and then said as only he could 'I'm deaf'

    I thought everyone else at the crossing was going to kill me, I looked at him & mouthed 'All the more reason to look before you cross the road. ' and rode off before I was lynched.
  37.  
    had a good one today:

    getting on a regional bus (yay Americas lack of trains) step off the curb to load my bike onto the front bike rack thing, and slip, manage to lift my bike up so i land on the ground, and the bike lands safely on me. not sure it counts as a crash, but it was stupid and embarrassing. get on and the bus driver talks a about fixed gears with me the whole ride, turns out he was an ex track racer.
    •  
      CommentAuthorzero cc
    • CommentTimeMar 25th 2008
     
    My turn:

    Back in the day there was a rather wonderful club on Farringdon Road on Friday nights, called The Cosmopolitan - latin, funk, reggae etc, all bottles a pound - a regular end to the week. So one night, about 4 am I start heading south. Get on to the Old Kent Road - and fall asleep. But here's the thing: when I wake up I'm leaning on a parked car, my feet still in the toe clips, my hands still on the bars.
    Very careful for the rest of the journey.
    •  
      CommentAuthorThe.Pike
    • CommentTimeMar 25th 2008
     
    i crashed out @bout 2330 last night! didnt wake up til 8.....
  40.  
    First working crash, this tuesday: flying down commercial Rd and some car comming the other way turns right accross me, too late to go behind, no space to swerve round infront, no brakes, turn into the side road, wide, oncomming truck, swerve wider, rack of flowers outside florist, swerve wider, curb, helmet takes a chunk out of the florists wall.
    •  
      CommentAuthorSideshow
    • CommentTimeMar 30th 2008
     
    Is that not a decent reason to... get brakes?

    Anyway GBM, I think I've seen you around town. The full-face helmet is pretty distinctive, so I'm sure it would be you.
  42.  
    Helmet and no front brake?

    A very confused combination.
    • CommentAuthorsleepy
    • CommentTimeMar 30th 2008
     
    "Helmet and no front brake?

    A very confused combination."

    +1

    i'll never, ever understand that one. guess it makes delivering packages on a bicycle look more like an "extreme sport" *grabs sick bucket*

    especially with those bmx/skateboarder helmets.
  44.  
    Superkid wears one, but only cos he insists that Chilli wears one, and she won't unless he does, IFYSWIM.
  45.  
    I thought i broke my hand in that one, didnt, broke it last night beating the shit out of a prius in a drunken rage.

    I think i will get a brake, its an excuse to buy new forks.
    • CommentAuthorsleepy
    • CommentTimeMar 31st 2008
     
    "Superkid wears one, but only cos he insists that Chilli wears one, and she won't unless he does, IFYSWIM."

    so he tried "do as i say, not as i do" and it backfired? lol- good for chilli! at least superkid has a brake, it's slightly less confused that way.
  47.  
    Exactly right! On both!
    •  
      CommentAuthorGertie
    • CommentTimeApr 4th 2008
     
    A now retired rider, lets call him nationmale sam, was track standing at the lights once, back in the day, turned around to check out the car on his inside thought "WOW that's a expensive convertable full of VERY hot women" promptly lost his balance and ended up head and shoulders upside down inside the car with his still clipped in bike waving in the air.
    •  
      CommentAuthorwfob
    • CommentTimeApr 17th 2008
     
    BAD TIMES
    A month after my Tri my training slipping and i gained a stone in weight. My foot also slipped when i was going to work and so i looked down to fit my foot in to my pedals and verred slightly, unfortunatey for me this was at Buckingham Palace where there are HUGHMUNGUS gate posts pretruding from the pavement on to the road. By now i had a computer and was checking my speed as i hit this 500 year old stone pillar. I was traveling at 25mph!!!BANG. Princes 1200 went under a car and i landed on my right elbow (CRACK) I stood up straight away and was cursing how stupid i was to crash in to a wall!! Some people pulled over and very kindly helped me. They called an ambulance and then i passed out.

    10 seconds later i'm scambling to stand up when i regained conciousness and the paramedics came braced up my "jarrafe" neck and put me in a scoop. We were laughing about it on the way to the hospital, but i was so embarised when we had to tell the nurses! My helmet saved my head from smacking the stone pillar and only my nose was cracked slightly. THANK GOD I HAD MY HELMET ON! With some Arnica cream and rest i was running again in a month. Sadly Princes Trek 1200 was a rightoff, the front forks now bent back as far as the cranks and handlebars mangled.
  50.  
    'THANK GOD I HAD MY HELMET ON!'

    Oh dear.

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