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Control Box: FAO: Bike shop owners / managers

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  1.  
    • CommentAuthorlurkette
    • CommentTimeOct 13th 2007
     
    Even though I managed to sell my extra lock, I took a hit in price that is more than someone in my position will when I am Queen of the World. So, to circumvent this needless loss of income on my behalf ever happening again, I have devised the following scheme which will be of benefit to all moron-cyclists and bike shop owners. Please comply effective immediately.

    Situation:

    A shame-faced cyclist comes into your shop and asks for a loan-lock because they forgot theirs.

    Your (as in the bike shop) actions and response:

    "Why certainly oh wondrous cyclist who keeps me in business! Luckily for you the amazing [insert my name here] knows the virtue of good customer service and so has devised a fantastic lock loan scheme! All you must do is the following simple steps, and your bike shall be safe for the day."

    1) The moron-cyclist must fill out a form on headed paper that requires the following information:

    Name, address, telephone number and signature agreeing to pay a deposit for the full amount of the lock which is refundable, MINUS A FIVER, when they return that lock in the same condition as they got it, in no more than 24 hours. Then they pay the full amount of the lock, which depends on which one you choose as a loan-lock, by cash or card.

    2) That self-same piece of paper has a caveat that explains that the bike shop is NOT RESPONSIBLE for the safety of the bike and accepts no liability for the loan of the lock. As in, if the bike gets nicked whilst using their lock, tough shit buddy.

    3) Moron-cyclist returns lock, gets all but a fiver back, and exclaims, "my god this bike shop is amazing! I'll spend all my money with you. After all, I've been wanting a new XTR rear mech for ages - order me one now!" Or what have you. Point is, everyone wins.

    I'm certain I'm not the only moron-cyclist out there. After all, I caught this disease off Sleepy. Therefore, me thinks it would be a profitable scheme for bike shops, not least because it would elevate you to a position where you could claim you do actually have customer service, which is not something this shite-filled country excels at.

    That is all.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJosh
    • CommentTimeOct 13th 2007
     
    I have worked for courier companies that have loan locks and even loan bikes before. They have been useful, but usually really shitty (though that helps you get round to sorting your own kit out). Anyone remember A-Z old green clunker? Or seen the POS borrowed bike Porno's been riding this week? Hahahaha Hey someone give him my new number cos I said I'd lend him a wheel.

    Most bike shop owners are far too mercenary for a scheme like that though, they'd have to loan the lock out 7 or 8 times to get the profit of selling it once. You could just try going to a bike hire shop and negotiating to hire just a lock next time, though they're usually just a skinny cable lock..or borrow one off a mate.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJosh
    • CommentTimeOct 13th 2007
     
    Which reminds me anyone got a loan suit I can borrow for the afternoon, not doing anything special you know... or a dress?
    • CommentAuthorsleepy
    • CommentTimeOct 13th 2007 edited
     
    the lurkette, [as usual] is correct.


























    except for the disease bit




























    and the tyres
    • CommentAuthorlurkette
    • CommentTimeOct 13th 2007
     
    exsqueeeeeze me? the first time in my life i ever forgot my lock was the day you also forgot your lock, again. key word in that sentence is "again", sleeps. but, thanks for acknowledging my correctness in every other facet of life. i also understand that you were joking about the tyres, but what you need to understand is that you are not funny. :middlefinger:
  6.  
    when bikefit or whatever its called now in macklin st used to be bikepark. they had loan locks.

    oi sleepy did you have to borrow show ponies lock?
    • CommentAuthorlurkette
    • CommentTimeOct 15th 2007
     
    no, but i did. :shamed:

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