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Twenty odd Questions - Emily
22.02.11 by Dazzler

How old are you? 28, going on 30

Where were you born? Bath, England. Much to the disappointment of certain security guards who are convinced I’m actually Polish or Brazilian or, in one case, Pakistani.

How long have you been a courier? Three winters.

Hang Name? 214

Who do you ride for? Pink Express.

What was your first bike? It was very small and made of wood.

What do you ride now? A Salsa Casseroll and Evelyn, a bicycle of many parts.

What’s the best docket you’ve ever been given? Nigerian Embassy wait-and-return when I had an assignment due the next day. (Queued for 3 very productive hours.)

What’s the worst thing about being a courier? Knowing it has to end.

What’s the best thing about being a courier? Having to eat my own weight in food every couple of hours.

Describe your childhood in 3 words. Deprived of go-kart.

Who are your heroes? Graeme Obree, Nelson Vails and Beryl Burton.

What’s on your music player? Don’t have one, but I generally have All Along The Watchtower (the Hendrix version) playing in my head during the morning rush hour, and various moody Turin Brakes songs at that point in the afternoon when it seems the day’s never going to end.

What’s the best piece of clothing/equipment you carry? London A-Z. Unlike the radio and Xda, it’s never let me down.

What advice would you give to any wannabe couriers? You can always go back to the desk job if it doesn’t work out.

What’s the best lunch deal in town? That Indian wholefood shop on Warren Street is excellent.

What’s the best chat-up line you’ve ever given to/received by a receptionist? Not a chat-up line or a receptionist, but that cheeky wink from the butch firewoman at the Harrow Road station has sustained me through many a rainy afternoon.

Favourite place to stand by? Wherever other couriers aren’t, so I’m not telling you.

What made you become a courier? The knowledge that if I didn’t try it I’d end up a fat mortgage slave in my forties who’d always dreamed of being a cycle courier.

In a parallel universe you would be… A fat mortgage slave in my forties dreaming of being a cycle courier.

What one thing would improve the quality of your life? A mail-order bride.

Who’d play you in the film of your life? Freddie Mercury, with Nelson Vails as a body double, and Shanaze Reade doing stunts.

What would be your catchphrase? ‘Don’t call me darling, please.’ (Said over the radio to the evening controller with depressing regularity.)

Freedom is… …all in your mind.

You are allowed to pass one new law – what is it? Instant and permanent disqualification for drivers who jump red lights.

How do you relax? Competently.

Tell us something about yourself we would never guess. I wear women’s clothing at the weekend.

You’ve got one youtube link – what is it? This.

Tell us a joke. I’m giving up in six months. No, really.
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