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Rollapaluza V Results & Report
17.04.06 by Buffalo Bill

The Winners! pic: Cassie

Update: Video down here.

The New King and Queen of the Rollers are Goldstein and Therese Bjorn. The 5th edition of Rollapaluza, the London rock ‘n’ roller race, held upstairs at the Horseshoe pub, Clerkenwell, Saturday 15th April, was once again a superb spectacle of bicycle racing provided by some of London’s finest bicycle messengers. A fundraiser for the Bicycle Messenger Emergency Fund, the event raised at least £200 for the Fund.

turn the pedals to turn the hands pic: Caspar

Male Qualifying Ranking

  1. Goldstein 24.85
  2. (Other) Kuba 24.97
  3. Ray 25.25
  4. Foot-long Skot (Creative Couriers) 25.32
  5. Barnesy (Metro Muppet) 25.36
  6. Bam Bam (MCR Posse) 25.47
  7. Wayne (Pineapple Head) 25.62
  8. Clodge (MCR Posse) 25.62
  9. Dangerous Dave (MCR Posse) 25.64
  10. Steve Philips (Team Fat Controller) 25.93
  11. Pacient 26.13
  12. Paulius 26.26
  13. Dainis (Team Benjy’s) 26.39
  14. Marco (London Muppet) 26.45
  15. Ian 26.54
  16. Brice (Reuter Crooks) 26.65
  17. Nasty (MCR Posse) 26.67
  18. Krzys (Creative Couriers) 26.79
  19. Wingnut (LBMA) 26.90
  20. Greenflash (Citysprint) 26.96
  21. Kieran (Reuter Crook) 28.37
  22. Porno Mike (London Muppet) 28.83
  23. Twitchy (LBMA) 29.21
  24. Jono (Metro Muppet) 29.21

fastest female qualifier, Susanne pic: Cassie

Female Qualifying Ranking

  1. Susanne Guenther (Cyclone Couriers) 29.18
  2. Therese Bjorn (Creative Couriers) 30.09
  3. Tanya (NYBMA) 33.77

Dead Heat for DFL
As usual, there was fierce competition for the coveted DFL prize, with 4 contenders scrapping it out for the free coffee from Flat White, and eventually an astonishing dead heat resulted. You f&cking donkeys.

darkest of dark donkeys, Dainis, the Lightning Lit . pic: Cassie

Male Repechage Round
(Other) Kuba bt Ojay
Ray bt Jono
Barnesy bt Porno
Dan bt Kieran
Wayne (Muppet Head) bt Greenflash
Clodge (MCR Posse) bt Wingnut
Krzys (Team Lodz) bt Dangerous Dave (MCR Posse)
Pacient bt Nasty (MCR/Essex Posse)
Paulius bt Ian
Dainis (Team Benjy’s) bt Marco

Male Round 1
Dainis (Team Benjy’s) bt Jos van der Long Leg
Kaspar von Metro Kontrollar bt Paulius
Pacient bt Buffalo Bill (Moving Target)
Krzys bt Wayne (Muppet)
Goldstein bt Clodge (MCR)
(other) Kuba bt Greenflash
Ray bt Bam Bam
Skot bt Barnesy

the crowd goes wild! pic:Cassie

Dutchy Long-legs struck by Lightning!
Shock of shocks in the first round. Top seed Jos, the lycra-clad lovely from little Holland, was knocked out by the Lightning Lat, who works for Benjy’s in Manchester.

Male Quarter Final
Skot bt the Lightning Lat
Kaspar bt Ray
Pacient bt (other Kuba)
Goldstein bt Krzys

Pole-axed!
Sadly, the Latvian fairy-tale was brutally cut short by Skot’s muscular display in the Quarter Finals, althought the Boy from Benjy’s pushed all the way, coming within a whisker of forcing a dead-heat. Polish sensitivities were upset by an all Polish race in the 3rd QF heat, but hey, at least it guaranteed a Pole in the Semis.

3rd placed Female Tanya. pic: Cassie

Female Third-Place
Therese Bjorn bt Tanya

With only 3 girls, it was decided that 2nd and 3rd placed qualifiers would ride off for the right to meet Susanne in the final. Therese did the necessary.

Male Semi-Finals
Goldstein bt Skot
Pacient bt Kaspar

Astonishingly, the semi-finals produced yet another Aussie-Pole final (Rollapaluza IV featured Jade (Aus) vs Bolo (Pol)).

Female Final 1000M
Therese bt Susanne

Despite the fact that Susanne was nearly a second faster in qualifiers she failed to last the extra distance. Therese was never headed, and won by a huge margin. A truly commanding victory.

Goldstein is congratulated pic: Cassie

Male Final
Goldstein bt Pacient

We asked the crowd whether the male final should be run over three laps of the clock, notionally 1500 metres. They said yes. So our indefatigable finalists battled it out for nearly a minute and a half. Goldstein, only recently back on the bike after a long lay-off caused by a hip shattered by a t-boning Transit, won out. The only Aussie in the field and he wins.

Cassies’s pics
Caspar pics
Jono’s pics
Homer’s pics

Video from Jono_01


Rollapaluza IV report

Thanks to: Caspar for sorting almost everything out; Ross for building the bikes; Chang & Nasty for doing the bikes on the night; Tofu MC extraordinary; Timi & Twitchy for doing the important part (taking the money!); DJs: Jono, Matt, Stevie Russell, Chris the Courier; Mosquito Bikes, Rapha clothing & Brixton Cycles for prizes; Creative Couriers for moving the rollers.

Rollapaluza VI 28th October The Pleasure Unit, see you there!

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