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Rollapaluza IV: A New Skool Rules
1.11.05 by Buffalo Bill

Update: video now online. (Quicktime required)

Another night of Rock 'n' Roller Racing Mayhem hosted by the London Bicycle Messenger Association at the Pleasure Unit, Bethnal Green 29th October 2005 saw the crowning of both a New King and a New Queen of Spinners. A total of £525, or $874.85 after conversion and fees, has been donated by the organisers to the BMEF, making this roller race possibly the most successful London messenger event since the European Champs in 2003.rollers

A near record entry of 41 male and 4 female racers threatened to overwhelm the somewhat fragile qualifying structures. Only when qualifying was extended were all the racers accomodated.

Somehow, Tomas was more than 4 seconds slower than anyone else, and claims the 10 free coffees that Flat White, the fantastic new coffee bar in Berwick Street, donated. Lucky guy. At the top of the male rankings stood Jade, who also impressed in Speed Skill & Sausages II. The top 8 plus some flotsam and jetsam went straight into Final Round 1 with the top 8 seeds. The rest went into the Repechage Round.

Male Qualifying Rankings

  1. Jade Lean, City Post 24.97 secs
  2. Lover Nick, Reuter Brooks 26.02
  3. Stevie Russell, Team DJ 26.04
  4. Jos Vander Legstretcher 26.13
  5. Rick, Swift 26.44
  6. Bolo, Mach 1 26.47
  7. Walshy, Deadley Treadleys, 26.66
  8. Wayne, Team Pineapple 26.85
  9. Jeffzilla, Metro 27.03
  10. Adam P, Creative Couriers 27.04
  11. Bingo, Metro 27.38
  12. Ed Wong 27.50
  13. Josh, London Muppet 27.64
  14. Homer, London Muppet 27.99
  15. Urban, Pink 28.13
  16. Marco, London Muppet 28.26
  17. Stuart Birnie, Courier Systems 28.33
  18. Damon Miller 28.37
  19. Wingnut, LBMA/London Muppet 29.00
  20. Kamil Malinowski 29.07
  21. Robin Superkid, Creative/LBMA 29.11
  22. Donny, Scream 29.29
  23. Paul 29.42
  24. Avmav, London Muppet 29.48
  25. Craig Nasty, Team Manchester 29.59
  26. Greg, Scream 30.00
  27. Kim 30.02
  28. Paulius Treciokas, XL 30.13
  29. Jon O’Driscoll, Metro Donkeys 30.16
  30. Pacient, XL 30.20
  31. Jon, Addison Lee 3
  32. Seamouse, London Muppet 32.30
  33. Tom aka Twitchy Mcgee 36.57 DFL

Female qualifying Ranking

  1. Susanne Guenther, Cyclone/LBMA 28.43
  2. Deirdre, Team Mullins 31.51
  3. Scarlett Hughes, West End 32.16
  4. Tanya Long, Creative 32.48

Repechage Round

  • Stewart bt Kamil
  • Paul bt Damon
  • Avmav bt Wingnut
  • Nasty bt Donny
  • Greg bt Robin
  • Tomas bye
  • Paulius bt Seamouse
  • O’Driscoll bt Jon
  • Pacient bye

After a break to listen to a fine set from the Deadley Treadleys, Final Round 1 commenced, where the top seeds rode for the first time. Adam and Khaled were missing, possibly refused entry, as was Josh, having been ejected by common consent, so we were able to give Selim (whom Bill had stitched twice over by fucking up his qualifying run AND mysteriously omitting his results from the rankings) Tom and Jon another ride. Not that they were able to take advantage.

Final Round 1 (500m)

  • Kaspar von MetroKontrollar, LBMA/Team Evil Genii bt Pacient
  • Paulius bt Tom
  • Pretty Boy, Addison Lee bt O’Driscoll, Metro Donkey
  • Joe Fletcher, Perfect Travel/Team Economic Energy bt Greg
  • Craig Nasty, Team Manchester bt Selim, Creative/London Muppet
  • Buffalo Bill, Moving Target/Team Evil Genii bt Avmav
  • Jon Chang, Team Manchester bt Damon (stand-in for Paul)
  • Pink Nick bt Stewart
  • Jade bt Marco
  • Urban bt Lover Nick
  • Homer bt Stevie Russell
  • Jos vander Inkrediblytall bt Jon (stand-in for Josh)
  • Rick, Team Sunglasses After Dark bt Ed Wong, LBMA
  • Bolo bt Bingo, Metro Donkey
  • Adam P, Creative bt Walshy, Deadley Treadley
  • Pineapplehead Wayne bt Jeffzilla, Metro

The highlight of Round 2 was undoubtedly Tofu standing in for Joe Fletcher, who retired drunk. There was a second when it looked as though Tofu was not going to strip yet again (is there anyone in Greater London under the age of 70 that hasn’t seen his knob yet?) but he was unable to resist the temptation and to the delight and amusement of the crowd raced starkers. Is this yet another international messenger first snapped up by our Vegan Hero? Does anyone know? Does anyone care? Somehow Rick managed to remain focused and saw him off.

Final Round 2 (500m)

  • Kaspar bt Pineapplehead Wayne
  • Adam P, Creative bt Paulius
  • Bolo bt Pretty Boy
  • Rick bt Tofu
  • Jos vander Tall Guy bt Craig Nasty, Moving Target
  • Buffalo Bill, Moving Target bt Homer
  • Chang, Team Manchester bt Urban
  • Jade bt Pink Nick

By now it was midnight, and the time was running out. After a short break, the racing restarted with the quarter-finals. Jade added another seed to his collection, taking the number 1 out of the competition and Buffalo Bill was beaten by Bolo after a 250 ride-off following a somewhat controversial dead-heat. All the other seeds were long gone, leaving Chang all on his lone-some in the semi-final.

Male Quarter Final (500m)

  • Jade bt Kasper
  • Chang bt Adam P, Creative
  • Bolo bt Buffalo Bill
  • Jos vander Whatnot bt Rick

A slightly strange looking female semifinal line-up, lacking Crissi.

Female Semifinal (500m)

  • Susanne ‘Blacksheep’ Guenther, Cyclone bt Tanya
  • Deirdre, Team Mullins bt Scarlett Hughes

After a superb but sadly brief set from Mastermindz, we were into the two lap races. Both the semis were tight, but Jade and Bolo won thru to ensure that the winner would be most definitely ‘new-school’.

Male Semifinal (1000m)

  • Jade bt Jos vander Shlitz
  • Bolo bt Chang

The female final went to form, with Susanne imposing herself on Deirdre. A new female champ!

Female Final (500m)

  • Susanne ‘Blacksheep’ Guenther, Cyclone bt Deirdre, Team Mullins

The last race of the evening, almost on the stroke of 2am. As close as it was, Jade in the end was a convincing and deserved winner, having qualified fastest and knocked out 2 seeds on the way.

Male Final (1000m)

  • Jade Lean, City Post bt Bolo, Mach 1

Rollapaluza V, Sat 15th April 2006, Horseshoe, Clerkenwell Close EC1 - yesmate!

Thanks to: Caspar for taking care of booking the bands, venue and collecting the rollers from Webber Street; Josh and Ross for building the bikes; Therese for sourcing the prizes; Pretty Boy & Larry for making sure that everyone paid; Rapha for prizes; Condor for…; Creative Couriers (esp V01 Michael) for collecting the rollers from Lewisham; Catford C.C. for renting us the rollers; Mastermindz and the Deadley Treadleys; Craig Nasty & Jon Chang for crewing the bikes; Tofu for MCing; ²se7en for the posters; and everyone that came for helping us Roll as One.

PS. Nice impromptu skid-chicken contest guys! Cheers to Raf for the video.

Jack Thurston's report on Rollapaluza IV for The Bike Show is here.

More pictures here, and here.

Therese Bjorn's article on London roller racing past and present is here.

Support the LBMA and BMEF.

EXCLUSIVE: get this shirt at the Donkey Derby, Friday night!
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  1. hey, i have changed my email address months ago but nobody seems to care….................ever since i changed over to g_sus81@yahoo.co.uk i have felt so excluded from the messenger community :(

    — susanne    4 February 2006, 10:26    #
  2. this wasn’t meant to end up at the bottom of this report….....what the f***!

    — susanne    4 February 2006, 10:29    #
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