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London's Calling Rollapaluza VIII Report Results
29.07.07 by Buffalo Bill


Rollapaluza records tumbled as the cream of the world’s bicycle messengers gathered in a crowded south London venue. The event was the London’s Calling Roller race, staged by the Rollapaluza crew and it was part of the pre-event weekend of the XV Cycle Messenger World Championships. Despite some technical problems with the equipment (the forks on one of the bikes broke!) over 40 competitors indulged in the 20 seconds of static bicycle torture that is Rollapaluza.

Female Qualifying Ranking

  1. Therese 18.76
  2. Heyzell 21.10
  3. Nhatt 21.72
  4. Nina 22.53
  5. Nora 24.61
  6. Daria 24.68
  7. Scarlett 26.89
  8. Sarah 27.55

Check those shorts! pic: Jono

Male Qualifying Ranking

  1. Markus 16.29 (new Rollapaluza record!)
  2. Simon Jackson 16.36
  3. Strom 16.58
  4. Jason Jackson 17.07
  5. Pretty Boy 18.10
  6. Frederik 18.21
  7. Yalla Yalla 18.36
  8. Aaron 18.92
  9. Haakon 19.65
  10. Kek 20.40
  11. Ken 20.40
  12. Peter 20.43
  13. Ryan 20.65
  14. Stefan 20.89
  15. Lane 21.21
  16. Brian 21.29
  17. Alexxx 21.32
  18. Felix 21.36
  19. Frankie 21.43
  20. Andreas 22.34
  21. Phillip 22.34
  22. Stah 22.34
  23. Hekto 22.56
  24. Alexxx 22.59
  25. Porno Mike 22.72
  26. Yasu 22.86
  27. Johan 23.09
  28. Chris 23.53
  29. Owen 23.76
  30. Navid 23.92
  31. Superkid 23.96
  32. Vojtec 24.61
  33. Jonty 25.26
  34. Kieran 25.42
  35. Selim 25.59
  36. Jeff 26.67

Note that Therese’s time would have beaten all but seven of the men. Please also note that this textpattern thing doesn’t let me put an ‘equals’ sign in a numbered list, so people that have the same time have been ranked alphabetically.

knockout! pic: Yasu/Risa

Male Finals Round 1
Markus beat Brian
Simon Jackson beat Lane
Strom beat Stephan
Jason Jackson beat Fin (stand-in for Ryan)
Peter beat Prettyboy
Frederik beat Kek
Ken beat Jalla Jalla
Aaron beat Haakon

Male Quarter Finals
Markus beat Aaron
Simon beat Ken
Frederik beat Strom
Peter beat Jason Jackson

Female Quarter Finals
Therese beat Sarah
Kim (literally just arrived from New York and standing in for Scarlett) beat Heyzell
Nhatt beat Julia (Stand-in for Daria)
Nora ride over

Male Semi Finals
Markus beat Peter
Simon beat Kristian (stand-in for Frederik)


Female Semi Finals
Nora beat Therese
Nhatt beat Kim

The most amazing result of the evening and an extraordinary performance by Nora. Having qualified 6 seconds slower than Therese, Nora somehow triumphed in perhaps the tightest race of the event so far.

Male Final
Simon beat Markus

Like Daniel in the lions den, Simon Jackson, a civilian cyclist, weathered the storm of support that accompanied Markus’ attempt to win the male section for the messenger community. But it wasnt to be. Simon’s spinning skills, which had previously won him the open competition at Raphapaluza carried him to victory.

Rollapaluza Champion Nhatt

Female Final
Nhatt beat Nora

And so a London messenger won Rollapaluza.

Oh, and there was time for one last race. Somehow the race captain was persuaded to allow 2 pissed up colonials to fight it out in some sort of demented donkey derby, to the delight of the crowd who insisted that they race over 2000 metres instead of the customary 500. Laugh, they nearly died.

Thanks to: Ross (Mechanical wizard), Jacqui, Nasty, the Rollapaluza crew (Caspar, Therese & Winston) and all the bar stewards especially Gertie and Rosine and all the door crew.

Thanks also to the fantastic bands: Def Con Zero, Team Spyder and London’s finest Exenger band, The Deadley Treadleys. And extra special thanks to DJ Jono.

A rough-cut of some video-phone footage is here. It includes Nora vs Therese, and all of the female final. If you look carefully you can see (not hear) Nhatt saying ‘did I really win?’

  1. Nhatt, you Rock girl!!

    — Ronnie Darko    30 July 2007, 00:30    #
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