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I hate fakenger
1.07.07 by Buffalo Bill

The word, not people that look like messengers but aren’t. I have tried to high-light what I think is wrong with the word, and the sentiment behind it, in a humourous way but people still aren’t getting the point. Knarf’s post on it is a good example of someone who has missengered my intentions. So I am going to spell it out, so no-one can have any doubt about what I think.

It’s a mean-spirited jibe that demeans its originators, not its intended targets. I get especially cross when I think about all the messenger events that I have organised, participated in or spectated at.

Why? Because as I said in my previous post, those events relied heavily on volunteer labour. In fact, most of those events would not have happened at all without volunteer labour. And a lot of those volunteers were not messengers. They were people who either used to be messengers, were friends of messengers or were inspired by messenger culture and, despite not knowing any messengers, pitched in and helped because they were into it. Often these people rode fixies, wore cycling caps, used messenger bags and had spoke cards in their wheels. But were not messengers.

So how cool is it to make jibes at people that support your scene, you dummies? Does labelling people that you might be friends with, seeing as they share your interests, as ‘fake’ contribute to global peace and understanding? A phoney is a phoney, whether they are a working cyclist or not. There are more than two people in the international messenger community who are posers and talk a lot of rubbish about things they have done, or are going to do. Are they more or less fake than the non-messengers who contribute to messenger events in a far more meaningful but less vocal way?

I am reminded of nothing so much as the ‘real’ messenger debate that surfaces from time to time in the messenger community. The most absurd example of this was the controversy over Lars Urban and Andy Schneider, who between them won 4 of the first 5 CMWCS.

The rumour, repeated almost before Andy was presented with the trophy in 93, and again in 94, 95 and 97, was that they weren’t ‘real’ messengers. That they were really semi-pro roadies who had been paid by unscrupulous company managers to ride and win so that the resulting publicity could be exploited for commercial gain. Even the basic premise of the accusation is open to doubt.

One of the manager/owners of Sprint, Lars’ company, became a very close friend of mine (and incidentally contributed a huge effort to making CMWC 95 a success). Olli told me that despite the publicity that surrounded Lars’ wins, he estimated that Sprint had not made a single extra pfennig as a result. Ok, it’s kind of a hard thing to quantify, but that’s what he said.

Why was the accusation made? Because Andy and Lars didn’t fit the image of a ‘real’ messenger, according to whatever prejudiced stereo-type was possessed by the messenger making the accusation. Andy and Lars wore lycra, not ‘street garms’, on the bike. They shaved their legs. They rode top dollar road bikes, not botched-up ghetto-jalopies. And they were strong, fast and smart. They were better messenger racers than the ‘real’ messengers.

So what was the truth? Were Andy and Lars ‘real’ messengers or fakes?

The truth was that Andy and Lars had been elite amateur racers. But never quite good enough (or committed enough) to make it as pros, although elite amateurs in Germany can scrape a living. And reaching the end of their sporting careers, saw in messengering a way of continuing to ride their bikes and get paid, and the opportunity to have a job that would allow them enough time off to continue to train and race.

Lars was a good messenger, according to his boss, although he could be pretty impossible to despatch sometimes. Andy held the docket record for a 6 hour shift (what, I hear the ‘real’ messengers shout, he only worked 6 hours!), 54, at Per Velo, I was told by a colleague of his. That’s more dockets than I ever did in a 10 hour shift, and I was reckoned by some to be a pretty good messenger.

That makes them messengers in my view, whatever I might think about the colour or construction of their cycling clothes. And Lars whipped all-comers on the legendary Human Powered Rollercoaster. The HPR was a sketchy, skiddy, wooden 125 metre figure of eight track that broke more than a few riders’ bones. Ok, he was an arrogant bastard: I remember him once saying to Joey Dias, the TO top-dog, ‘we race; I win’. But he did win.

Anyway, enough of this reminiscing. I’ll leave you with this thought: Reidar ‘Danny’ Farr had been working for a few short weeks when he was run over and killed by a lorry that failed to signal a left turn. Was he a ‘real’ messenger or a fake?

  1. The thing that pi**es me off about some of these types that have everything but the radio, is that many seem to think its an excuse to go mental. Track bike, no brakes, spanking new SIDI’s, the bag, pristine rolled up jeans, etc… Is pretending to be a messenger an excuse to ride in a way that inconveniences other road users and peds? Ive seen loads that have watched far too much Lucas Brunelle, and think maybe this is how we ride all day? If you cant handle the bike, dont ride like a fu**ing lunatic, Maybe get a brake? If your breaking the law – do it courteously… Dont get us a bad name.
    Surely a messenger is a cyclist doing deliveries for money?
    Respect to all those fallen, messenger or not.

    — PJ    2 July 2007, 01:49    #
  2. And all messengers ride courteously, all the time? Come on, be serious.

    — Bill    2 July 2007, 05:31    #
  3. Good article Bill, Well said that man.

    nanosan    2 July 2007, 07:13    #
  4. Cheers, Nano. Have you ever tried saying ‘billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles’ really quick, you old sea dog?

    — Bill    2 July 2007, 11:28    #
  5. I think Bill’s hit the nail on the head – why have it in for people who are supporting ‘your scene’?

    It all seems incredibly familiar and I’m sure every London ‘scene’ has this conversation going on about who’s real and who’s fake.

    When I used to DJ more than I do now I remember exactly the same kind of discussions on northern soul email lists about how it was ‘fake’ for a DJ to play reissued 45s – only the extremely expensive original pressings would do.

    It seems contemporary culture has something of an obsession with authenticity. This can be a healthy reaction to the ever-increasing amount of celebrity froth and political spin to be found in the mainstream. For messengers, soul boys, hip-hop’ers, skateboarders, wherever, authenticity is a shorthand for commitment, honesty, integrity – values that are deserving of that great non-monetary currency of our age: respect.

    But back to Bill’s point, it seems to me that messengers who get riled up about ‘fakengers’ need to take a look in the rear-view mirror and realise they are making themselves look stupid. If the allure of messenger culture is its punky, anarchist, rule-breaking, Jack Kerouac vibe, how on earth can you claim to be part of that culture if you get high blood pressure every time you see a floppy haired media type on a Bianchi Pista straight outta Evans? Where’s the wild, unselfconscious iconoclast in such a narcissist attitude?

    jack Thurston    2 July 2007, 23:37    #
  6. “And all messengers ride courteously, all the time? Come on, be serious.”

    Of course not all the time, Im out to make money man… Not just doing a quick 20 min blast home trying to be the coolest, mofo on the road… You wont look so bohemian under a bus.

    — PJ    3 July 2007, 00:58    #
  7. Can we please give this argument a rest? All of those who don’t want non-messengers to ride in a race are clearly just scared of getting your a*** kicked by a “fake” (would that make you a fake?).
    If you’re too slow to get away from a commuter in an alley cat, you probably shouldn’t be racing (should you be daring to be a messenger?)
    Bad riders shouldn’t ride in alley cats if they’re going to endanger other riders, but then that includes an awful lot of messengers as well.
    On top of that, rolled up trousers, over-the-shoulder bags, hats, and a decent bike are all pretty obvious choices to a messenger or an avid cyclist. They make the ride better and make it less likely that you’ll die.
    You people are all just being incredibly hateful and prejudiced and you sound like losers.
    Messengers are messengers for pretty much one of three reasons, they love it, they can’t get another job or they think it’s cool. Other bike riders are riding bikes for one of three reasons, they love it, they can’t afford to go another way, or they think it’s cool. Messenger or not, if they only love it because it’s “cool”, then that’s better than them paying for one more cab or car.
    What’s the last thing, besides an alleycat that messengers, solely, have organised? What’s the last positive thing that messengers have done? If as PJ said, your worried about your reputation on the road than don’t enter the Nocturne pissed out of your head, Show up to Critical Mass, join one of the not-for-profits that teach kids how to ride bikes.
    Come on! There are people here who want to support you (and who don’t want to be messengers). They understand that you’re ok people even though you eat out of dumpsters, wear filthy clothes and smell, and ride your bikes wasted. They are not judging you. Why are you judging them?
    In the relatively small world of the messenger scene it may feel like some people are faking, but your’s is a small world and the truth is the bigger one out there doesn’t give two sh*ts about you. They just care about their big cars, whether they are safe inside them and whether or not our blood will wash off the bumper. All in all, it sounds to me like you could use all the support you can get.

    — don't wanna be no messenger    3 July 2007, 11:01    #
  8. ^ fakenger.

    Ride. Or ride not. There is no think.
    Speedfast KILL. All will die.

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    3 July 2007, 11:28    #
  9. it has to be said that its annoying to see some one with a phil wood wheelset that can’t even set their chain tension.. more money than sense / fashion victim etc..

    there isnt enough money / work to messenger anyway, so its all a bit silly really, arguing over who is in and who is out…

    & it must get depressing after a few years/weeks/days surely?

    i guess some people are just grumpy and looking for new ways to be mean and sad huh?

    — i get sooo sad    3 July 2007, 18:45    #
  10. is this deconstruction?

    — messyanger    3 July 2007, 20:51    #
  11. No, I know it now. It’s dialectical evolution.

    ...evolution consists in a series of revolutions – small quantitative alterations in the essence of a thing pile up, tension is produced, and a struggle takes place until at a fixed moment the new elements become strong enough to destroy the equilibrium and a new quality emerges from the previous quantitative alterations. This is the thesis-antithesis-synthesis paradigm. Conflict, therefore, exemplifies the driving force of evolution which proceeds by leaps — this is the so-called “dialectical evolution.”

    — messyanger    3 July 2007, 21:01    #
  12. “What’s the last thing, besides an alleycat that messengers, solely, have organised?”....I can’t think of one damn thing!!!!....either you’re joking or you haven’t done your research / know nothing about the courier community which is it?

    Winston    3 July 2007, 22:04    #
  13. Let it go.
    Talking about it makes my fanny bleed.

    — Vagrant    3 July 2007, 22:13    #
  14. i agree with everyone. except the “don’t wanna be no messenger” guy’s post. that was the most ill informed rant i’ve ever seen on ‘tinterweb

    — flappy feet    3 July 2007, 22:58    #
  15. Don’t wanna be a messenger guy has it partly wrong. Winston is right: he doesn’t know what he is talking about. Messengers and their friends recreated roller-racing in London as a spectacle. That was the last positive thing. The next last positive thing that messengers have done was attract the attention of the public, media and the Mayor to the continuing problem of cyclists being killed by HGV/LGV/lorries in London. It was the London Bicycle Messenger Assoc that initiated the process that led to the research that was ‘revealed’ in the media a couple of months ago about female cyclists being killed by lorries. Before that… do I need to continue?

    My point was messengers could not have done it without help from their friends, not that messengers never do anything.

    — Bill    4 July 2007, 08:32    #
  16. We don’t need no stinky ‘don’t wanna be no messenger’

    — REDLIGHT GO    4 July 2007, 09:01    #
  17. I wouldn’t go that far. He made some valid points. He is welcome here anytime.

    — Bill    4 July 2007, 09:18    #
  18. In Glasgow we take a leaf out of the Hell’s Angels book and if we see anyone dressing like us who hasn’t passed the Westcoast Messengers hazing rituals we track ‘em down, destroy their bike, beat them to a pulp then set fire to their house.

    westcoastmess    4 July 2007, 09:44    #
  19. “What’s the last thing, besides an alleycat that messengers, solely, have organised? What’s the last positive thing that messengers have done?”

    My point was exactly what Bill said, Messenger’s friends seem to be a pretty important part of the “scene”. I used the word “solely” on purpose not just for fun. Messenger’s work on a lot of the community bike projects going on but my point was they don’t seem to without a little help from their friends..
    If I got my facts right, roller-races, sausages, the pre-events, and even the lbma planning all involve non-messengers.
    My points were not a hater’s points, in fact I was saying stop your hating, you need your friends…

    — don't wanna be no messenger    4 July 2007, 09:56    #
  20. I’m not a messenger. I ride fixed to develop a better pedal stroke. A fixed wheel bike is great in the city too because it’s cheap, light, fast, easy to maintain and not too attractive to thieves.

    I don’t consider myself a commuter either because I also ride with groups at weekends, travel to take part in events, own a few bikes etc. I’m just a cyclist.

    Please don’t assume that by riding fixed I am trying to copy anyone, or pass myself off as something I’m not. I got the idea from Sheldon Brown. I ride fixed for the same reasons you do – because it’s fun.

    That said, everybody hates a poser, or poseur, especially the floppy-haired Soho variety.

    P.S. I wear Sidi shoes too – is that allowed? If not then perhaps someone should tell Paulo Bettini. I don’t think he’s a messenger either. :)

    P.P.S. Love the site Bill. Keep up the good work.

    — nv    4 July 2007, 12:27    #
  21. Soon, my clone elitenger army will crush Bongaloo Buff’s weak fakenger senate with one swift flick into the 12 sprocket.

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    4 July 2007, 13:49    #
  22. I think that what we objected to was this sentence:

    “What’s the last positive thing that messengers have done?”

    — Bill    4 July 2007, 13:57    #
  23. Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, a fresh water system, and public health?

    — Jason H    4 July 2007, 15:13    #
  24. i got positively wankered last night

    — flappy feet    4 July 2007, 19:01    #
  25. i think i got the most wankered last night. in my very drunken state i went swimming in the Thames and got pulled out by the police. then ran away from the hospital in the gown they gave me. i got sum odd looks whilst making my way home.

    — Nik    4 July 2007, 21:25    #
  26. NV, I guess, because I have web-site, and I work in Berwick Street and have unruly hair, I could be termed a floppy-haired Soho media- type.


    We’ll have to have words with that Bettini bloke. I hear that he’s been seen on a fixie, too.

    — Bill    5 July 2007, 08:24    #
  27. Does anyone remember the cowboy ice cream with chewing gum? Bubalo Bill pow

    — Bubalo Bill    5 July 2007, 10:57    #
  28. I like ice cream.

    — don't want to be no messenger    5 July 2007, 12:05    #
  29. i wonder where matt seaton gets his inspiration


    — inspirational    5 July 2007, 12:46    #
  30. Matt got it wrong. See here

    — Bill    5 July 2007, 13:23    #
  31. Any press is good press.

    — Caspar    5 July 2007, 13:59    #
  32. When was the last time you ironed a shirt?scruffy cnut.

    — overdrive    5 July 2007, 16:16    #
  33. “spanking new SIDI’s”- would be because some of us work for sidi…

    — scraps    5 July 2007, 17:08    #
  34. all that is solid melts into ‘hot’ air

    — messyanger    5 July 2007, 17:10    #

    (Boba fires blaster at hot air.)

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    5 July 2007, 19:41    #
  36. wiki wiki wild west

    “... innocuous urban libertines to reckless, cliquish nihilists”


    You could say that ‘fakengers’ simply want to ‘live’ the culture. I don’t blame ‘em! just as I don’t wanna be don’t wanna be no messenger. Shamone.

    — messyangel    5 July 2007, 20:22    #
  37. I ran all the way to Marathon, was that not worthwhile?

    — Roman    6 July 2007, 13:23    #
  38. Dunno, it’s all Greek to me!

    — Bill    6 July 2007, 14:14    #
  39. What’s with the spokecards? Ok you wanna ride a fixed who cares, you have a courier bag – ok so you can eventually get scoliosis as well, you wear sidis thats great but why spoke cards. Thats for racing in an alleycat. Lame.

    — HUH??    9 July 2007, 13:39    #
  40. maybe said person was in an alley cat – read the card.. you never know, they might have come 45th in lost in the crowd or something

    — dfl    9 July 2007, 14:53    #
  41. What’s the last positive thing that non messengers who look like messengers have done?

    — REDLIGHT GO    9 July 2007, 22:29    #
  42. “What’s the last positive thing that non messengers who look like messengers have done?”

    paid tax.

    — MrSmith    9 July 2007, 23:30    #
  43. Road tax,is it?
    Anyway,I think I smell a rat.Or is it me undies?

    — REDLIGHT GO    10 July 2007, 00:08    #
  44. “My points were not a hater’s points, in fact I was saying stop your hating, you need your friends…”

    Why do you think i would be friends with a fakenger? and what do you think they would contribute to my life if i was? apart from how to perfect my image. i have great friends who don’t care how i dress or if i hate fakengers.

    why dont fakengers dress like people who do other dangerous edgy and cool jobs like, dunno, firemen? they could be fakenfighters

    — flappy feet    10 July 2007, 10:28    #
  45. You guys have got this arse about face.

    Messengers dress like us.

    You newcomers to the business don’t remember 20 years ago when couriers were “dangerous, edgy and cool’ enough to be on Janet Street-Porter’s C4 Network7 show: they were dressed like clowns in full race gear.

    It was the so-called Fakengers, who were heading into town for a full day’s real work in the sweat shops of Soho, who dressed in normal clothes and pioneered the t-shirt, rolled up jeans and bag look.

    So it’s the messengers who are the fakes, so why not dress like other dangerous and cool office workers – try a skirt and suit jacket with some high heels, for the combat accountant look?

    — pro/sleb-fakenger    10 July 2007, 11:13    #
  46. Pro-sleb is right

    — Bill    10 July 2007, 12:04    #
  47. exengers and messengers racing at Crystal Palace south of river and Northweald aerodrome north of river tonight if you are fakenger enough for it. err… brakes, gears and helmets are required.

    Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the fakenger, and a powerful ally it is.

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    10 July 2007, 12:29    #
  48. Fakenger. Boom. Lazer firer. Boom Boom. Dead fakenger. Dead.

    — Zak Speedfast    10 July 2007, 18:41    #
  49. Dead fakenger, unemployed messenger.

    Who else do you think employs you relics out of sympathy?

    — pro/sleb-fakenger    10 July 2007, 19:32    #
  50. Pro/sleb-fakenger. Boom. Lazer fire. Boom Boom. Dead pro/sleb-fakenger. Dead. Listen Sleb, i know you had something to do with my attempted murder! How much did Bill pay you?

    — Zak Speedfast    11 July 2007, 00:00    #
  51. I’m calling the police unless we can settle this amicably here and now (allows gathering crowd to glimpse piece in belt)

    — messyangel    11 July 2007, 00:08    #
  52. If it had been me, the tell tale rattle of cards in my spokes would have given the game away. That, and the fact that you would not have lived to tell the tale.

    — pro/sleb-fakenger    11 July 2007, 16:08    #
  53. will this make a straight fifty comments? does anyone care anymore?

    — amber gambler    11 July 2007, 18:50    #
  54. It’s a record. 50 whatever posts. If only I get the same interest and contribution in the HGV/cyclists thing. >sigh<

    — Bill    11 July 2007, 19:11    #
  55. Pro/shight-fakenger i challenge you to a race. The great Zak calls the lowly ranked pink/shit to a duel. A race across town taking in all the london sights the loser being drawn and quartered under the cutty shark. Bill shall administer the punishment. Are you man or horse shight? Remember i’m machine not man. I’m made of iron.

    — Zak Speedfast    11 July 2007, 21:36    #
  56. Where were you? I came, I saw the sights and I won. Enough cutty sarcasm. More men of irony.

    — pro/sleb-fakenger    12 July 2007, 09:14    #
  57. why make bill administer punishment? maybe being bill should be the punishment?

    — skot    12 July 2007, 15:16    #
  58. i prefer the fakenger babes to messenger babes cause they smell better.

    Haute Courier    12 July 2007, 18:43    #
  59. Plus they have bigger racks.

    — pro/sleb-fakenger    12 July 2007, 19:00    #
  60. i’ve got a big rack. er… no hang on, thats slang for boobs init, er.. i’ve got a big cock. and i’m er… dunno, a real messenger that isn’t anymore cos i had an accident but my cock’s still definitely bigger than yours.

    — flappy feet    12 July 2007, 19:59    #
  61. Not as big as mine, Flappy, not as big as mine…

    — Swiss Tony    12 July 2007, 20:04    #
  62. comparing cocks? are messengers more gay than fakengers?

    Haute Courier    13 July 2007, 08:26    #
  63. Generally the sexualitiy of male couriers is unquestionable, female couriers is a different matter. I’m sure that messeengers have bigger cocks than fakengers though, possibly smaller brains but definately more bollocks.

    — Caspar    13 July 2007, 09:32    #
  64. not sure about some of the old creative bunch on unquestionable sexuality…

    — amber gambler    13 July 2007, 14:20    #
  65. When one’s todger can be seen from the Hubble Space telescope and has Boeing jets landing on it because they mistook it for Heathrow Airport, I rather think comparison is futile.
    It’s ALL about who’s got the biggest todger.
    And it’s me.

    — Swiss Tony    13 July 2007, 17:12    #
  66. if its that big you won’t be able to put it to much use.. surely its more about technique? like backwards circles n stuff like that?

    what’s this got to do with people getting pissed off with other fake folks drinking down the pub anyway?

    — amber gambler    13 July 2007, 17:39    #
  67. >comment edited<

    The author of this comment contacted via email and asked me to remove it.

    — LD    14 July 2007, 04:27    #
  68. You expect me to read that effing drivel? I can’t even be effed to read Bingaloo’s original post.

    ZAP ~ fires grappling hook round Swiss Tony’s todger and swings off into distance ~

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    14 July 2007, 09:37    #
  69. So I find this to be what is somewhat upsetting to people. Everyone wants to look like a messenger right now. Same as back in the mid nineties with skateboarding. It gave status and made you cool. You were more attractive to the hip sector. Problem with the faking it as a messenger is that people who haven’t really ridden a bike much at all are hopping on track bikes with huge ratios and no brakes, trying to ride that romantic wave. People do actually have a thing for messengers, just like with the aforementioned skateboarders. I saw a kid ride right into the curb through a red light, right next to a crowd of pedestrians who were watching in awe and confusion. This kid had a perfect little mini hawk, white belt, slip on vans, bandana in pocket, blingy bike with aerospoke, you know, the “complete package”.
    So where am I going with this? Here’s our problem right now. This wreckless, dangerous, lack of care is causing a crack down on working messengers who are and have been riding track bikes for years. It is also making drivers angry by their super, over the top, showy riding, and way too cool for you attitude. Don’t get me wrong. I like what I do and at some point years back I used to gladly tell people I was a messenger. Now I find it annoying to have that be all that defines me. Back to original point. If kids want to enjoy riding a bike, great. It’s the senseless need to ride only one type of bike and look only one certain way that is so superficial and vain to me. It is not true. It’s not done in respect for what many messengers really love deeply. It may develop into something better, I hope. But for now it’s an insane trend that has kids mean mugging people who’ve been working as messengers for years and ride road bikes, or just plain don’t look as street as they’ve taken it. It’s really just insulting. I have friends who aren’t part of the crowd and they are well loved, and mainly becuase they are genuine people who don’t try. They didn’t just wrap a neon bandana around their shiny new NJS bike. They could honestly care less about such things. It’s the trying instead of being that leaves me with a bad taste. It’s not a damn competition. And the spoke card tip. About half the spoke cards here are homemade, or just some random photo thrown in. Again, it’s superficial, but there is an undeniable perversion of what many people feel is part of their culture.
    In all, I don’t like to let things like this cause me to dwell on them with a negative vibe, and I really don’t with this one. I just thought I’d offer some perspective on understanding why people are upset.
    I’m getting a segway. Anyone else? We could start our own well documented subculture. I’m working on the first alleycat.

    — d dog    14 July 2007, 10:12    #
  70. Despite all that, I think it’s more important that you turn on the lights.
    Because my todger’s just about to block out the Sun.

    — Swiss Tony    14 July 2007, 12:31    #
  71. f_ck me I’m so bored I’m going to go and find some g-lord fixies chained up somewhere and start my rocket pack right next to them so they melt. Can you wait a minute S-Tone cos sometimes I cant find the ignition button in the dark.

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    14 July 2007, 12:56    #
  72. Swiss Tony is my new hero! Even if I wouldn’t introduce him to my girlfriend.

    — Bill    14 July 2007, 13:41    #
  73. A year and a bit ago my girlfriend’s dad pulled an old road bike out of a skip and asked if I wanted it. A home respray and a trawl of eBay later and I tried out fixed riding for the first time.

    And loved it.

    Then the frame died. So having loved it I’ve splashed out on a new frame and bits and bobs.

    I already had the big courier bag, and wore the 3/4 length trousers before riding fixed (both for simple practical reasons), so I’m not sure if that already made me a fakenger.

    But I felt compelled to write about it here….


    Maybe I should buy one of these to make it perfectly clear?


    Like the mag says, ‘No matter what you ride… As long as you do…’

    Anth    16 July 2007, 12:25    #
  74. Well, you can miss the point, but you won’t be missing MY point when it swings over the British Isles tonight.
    You know, Paul, being a bicycle messenger is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman:
    You’ve gotta whip your package out as fast as you can…

    And make sure you get it signed for.

    — Swiss Tony    16 July 2007, 13:54    #
  75. We plan to attack messengers after work on their way home. No courier is safe. London fields is our strong hold so watch out. We come tooled up with D-locks, sharpened spokes, pipe bombs so on. Die courier scum

    — seperatist band of guerilla fakengers    16 July 2007, 14:46    #
  76. It’s true 20 fakengers just attacked the metro riders room. No longer in our bombproof basement we were open for attack in our roadside deluxe riders room. Luckily boba had just returned from a run from Turkey and together with Mad Marco and crazy Angus we were able to fight off their vicious onslaught. No prisoners were taken.

    — Zach Speedfast    16 July 2007, 14:53    #
  77. Lets lay a trap.
    I’ll cover my todger with parcel tape, the fakengers will think it’s the Clifton Suspension bridge and try to cross it.
    They’ll become entangled in my testicular hair and we can let Boba torpedo the Rapha gear

    — Swiss Tony    16 July 2007, 17:43    #
  78. viva the revolution.. !!

    — che    17 July 2007, 12:58    #
  79. i prefer the fakenger guys to messenger guys cause they brag less.

    Haute Courier    17 July 2007, 13:39    #
  80. It is their own way of winning to admit defeat, and that they are slow from the beginning. There again, if I wasn’t fully loaded with HGH and EPO and didn’t have a rocket pack and a knob half the size of swiss t’s (still damn big) I wouldn’t brag either.

    — Boba Speedfast - Son of Zacharides Speedfast    17 July 2007, 16:09    #
  81. So what if you worked as a messenger a while back but are now a fakenger? or does that make me still a messenger or ‘just’ a fakenger. I’m really not quite sure how I should pigeonhole myself… ;)

    — reborn fakenger    24 April 2008, 08:47    #
  82. great work, bill!
    you pointed it out!


    — j.e.n.z.    3 June 2008, 07:20    #
  83. at least these fakengers are riding bikes and not driving audi convertibles the more cyclists the merrier and if they stick it out for long enough then the zen cylcist will overtake the poseur cyclist within…
    so agree with bill its basically pathetic to critisize people who have obviously gone out to look the part , imitation is the best form of flattery , so be flattered if youve been on the road for years that some new people have enough respect for what you do that they want to copy it and get into it , dont worry about what comes out of there mouths or what theyre riding or wearing just be chuffed that they are riding

    — t    13 June 2008, 14:36    #
  84. i’m gonna tell you how it is

    — ronnie darko    13 June 2008, 15:50    #
  85. I’m sorry but London is full of trends. Every year a new trend begins, oh look all the girls are wearing poncho’s or leg warmers over stiletto’s or everyone is eating out at vietnamese restuarants or yeah this year im going on an eco-tourism holiday. Well anyway all this fixed wheel trendsetting came about in the space of 2 years. You know you ride your bike around for years and only spot couriers, old cyclists or tramps on bikes and then BOOM all of a sudden there’s a bunch of fuckwits that can’t ride and pose a hell of a lot. Look i’m all about cycling as a mode of transport and the more people on bikes the better but i can’t help but dislike fakengers. I’m not talking about the average jo on a fixed im talking about the guy who rides around with a hoodie, no brakes and gives it all that bad boy attitude. Am i being harsh?

    — Zack Speedfast    13 June 2008, 21:09    #
  86. Nope.

    Nanu.    13 June 2008, 22:04    #
  87. Why are you sorry Zack?

    — 1    13 June 2008, 22:11    #
  88. i just dont like to dislike…Im a hippy at heart. Peace to all Fakengers!

    I wore a dress to a dinner party last night.

    — zack speedfast    15 June 2008, 08:05    #
  89. hmmm i obviously didn’t write that. I know who did though

    — zack speedfast    15 June 2008, 19:16    #
  90. i wore a poncho to a vietnamese eco-restaurant last night

    — will    15 June 2008, 21:41    #
  91. we only want to reserve the spot of the final to working messengers, as a respect! who came 3rd in toronto for the women? shame on you!

    — tiko    22 June 2008, 12:25    #
  92. I agree with speedfast. I ride fixed round town and have done for a few years. As a kid i rode time trials on a fixed, my father was a cyclist, one of the few english riders to get a yellow jersey in TDF. I grew up with this shit but i have noticed you ride up anywhere near spittalfields and it’s a bunch of kids who often lack control of the bike riding fixed absolutely cos it’s cool. I ride it because it feels natural to me and i fucking enjoy it, end of. The question is, if all the messengers started riding mountain bikes again would the brick lane set switch to that? If it looked cool i suggest they would, its fashion for them and they follow. The messenger world should be proud, you started your own culture and trend and others may imitate but only you will ever own it. Just hope they don’t start getting jobs as messengers and annoy the shit out of you even more. Remember, the largest form of flattery is to copy.

    — Briz    22 June 2008, 18:01    #
  93. Remember, the largest form of flattery is to copy.

    — xeroxkid    22 June 2008, 18:57    #
  94. Briz; as far as I know only four english riders have worn the yellow jersey. Assuming your dad is not David Millar, then it’s either Yates, Boardman or Simpson. I’d love to know; either way, good on yer.

    — will    22 June 2008, 20:45    #
  95. English?

    — David Millar    22 June 2008, 22:20    #
  96. yeh, ok i know that but you know how it is; he’s english when he’s winning, scottish when he’s being hauled off by les flics

    — will    22 June 2008, 22:35    #
  97. @ Will. ‘In Pursuit of Stardom’ i believe waterstones stock it. Thats my old man’s book. He and i don’t connect much these days but it’s a worthwhile read all the same. Check the photo of him, Vic Sutton and Jock Andrews in the converted Ambulance.

    My bad for not remembering history, i will check on the Yellow Jersey TDF, i could have my shit wrong….

    — Briz    22 June 2008, 22:40    #
  98. The largest form of flattery is to xerox, son.

    — Briz    22 June 2008, 22:58    #
  99. The largest form of flattery is to xerox, son.

    i could have my shit wrong….

    — xeroxkid    23 June 2008, 02:07    #
  100. just thought I’d revive this thread,it’s the best f*cking thing on here.Hang the hipsters!

    — overdrive    3 September 2008, 17:31    #
  101. Let it die! The thread that hipsters hang on, I mean…

    — Bill    3 September 2008, 17:53    #
  102. When we were talking about this at CMWC I was looking for an analogy in the world of firearms focusing on the equipment I got stuck on 1911 Colt trend of the 80’s. It kind of worked but it only makes sense to gun-freaks over forty. Now I think I’ve found something easier to understand.
    I feel about the “messenger fashion thing” the same way Wyatt Earp would feel about those guys. “It nice that your having fun dressing up and playing your games but I’d like to see you try it when the shit get’s real.” My big bitch about it has nothing to do with friends and other associates of the messenger world rather the fashion victims who would not so much as take the time to pee on a real messenger if he/she were on fire.

    — Kirk R. Dungan    3 September 2008, 19:06    #
  103. I wanna say.
    Reading the Post by Buffalo Bill.

    I agree with you. The term is not pro-active… And there is more to a community of Bike
    couriers/messengers than is currently working.

    yogi    4 September 2008, 09:27    #
  104. mmmm……let the debate continue…mmmmmm..urgh.

    — overdrive    4 September 2008, 09:41    #
  105. i had some mad dream yesterday, i was riding around in london and everyone was wearing a metro bag.

    redrum    4 September 2008, 09:53    #
  106. dream on sunshine…..must be imitation bags from brick lane.

    — twitch    4 September 2008, 17:38    #
  107. Well said Twitchy.Anyway,what reason does redrum have to ride around London these days eh?Bloody exengers man.

    — overdrive    4 September 2008, 17:42    #
  108. I would love to be a messenger, but with 4 kids i can’t afford it, however if i won the lottery i would be there in a shot. i guess all the real messengers would hate that, not needing the ca$h and taking the work.

    Why would i do it? i love riding my bike’s, simple as. I’m 35 now and i was riding fixed wheel in TT’s when i was just 17, that’s 18 long years ago, my mates would laugh, i remind them of it now and they think yeah you were cool lol.

    Respect to you all

    — teh_pirate    2 March 2009, 21:57    #
  109. Hi messengers
    What rumors here – but okay, what you want. I have no problems with it ;-).
    The story is wrong. I worked 4 years at per velo in cologne, 5 days a week 4-12 hours, I know whats messengering. I did all on my bike. But I`m a healthy man, also a racer, an ecology man, ……
    I know what messenger livestyling is, but I have another character.
    The essential of live on earth and universe is truthfullness, benevolence, forebearance – turn coolness in to real live.
    No smoke, pollution, ….. change your thinking, your mind – change the world
    cultivate yourself for a better future
    greetings Andy

    Andy Schneider    13 September 2009, 23:21    #
  110. fuck everyone

    bmx all day

    — bmxer    26 November 2009, 19:18    #
  111. Hey, When I lived in London I rode around on my geared Mountain Bike, with cut off jeans and a satchel, sorry “messenger bag”. I wore gloves, glasses and Specialized shoes coz they have a practical purpose, as do cut-off jeans. i wore a helmet in the rain too. Not everyone does shit for fashion. I am what you may call a “cyclist”. Much as I love riding my bike, I think being a courier would be a fucking hard job.

    You do all look so cool though. Do you know where I can get a puch for my mobile?

    — Al    30 November 2009, 18:27    #
  112. all due respect ,but beeing for 4 years a cycle messanger was likely the most stupid (no disrespect to anyone)job i’ve ever done ,always used to ride and probably always will ,but all the courier ‘dogma’ makes me ‘become’ a fakenger and something like ‘i hate fuckengers’ is really kinda like i hate muslims ,hate blacks or hate cyclist cos they jump red lite ..comon there are more important feelings dan hate diffrences amongst whoever ..

    — maciek    4 January 2010, 18:26    #
  113. just in case red light i ment

    — maciek    4 January 2010, 18:34    #
  114. It took you 4 years to realise you were in a stupid job?

    — overdrive    5 January 2010, 08:56    #
  115. stretch

    — carlos    7 January 2010, 19:44    #
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