From the vault: CMWC 1994
15.04.11 by Buffalo Bill
Westcoast at House of Pistard just sent me an email saying that Men’s Fitness is interested in doing a piece on London’s cycle couriers. This sparked a memory of the same publication applying for press credentials for the 1994 Cycle Messenger World Championships. Turns out my memory was wrong, and it was actually Men’s Health & Fitness.
Anyway, I looked up Richard Guard’s recollection of being the press officer for CMWC 1994, originally published in Moving Target, on Messmedia. Here it is:
The View From the Telephone
originally published in Moving Target, vol 3 issue 3, September 1994.
Weds 10/08/94 – Moving Target Office
Ring-ring Good afternoon, Moving Target. A heavy crackling noise over the ‘phone, the sound of revving engines, screaming of over-excited people.
Hello, this is Rot Runner, Dusseldorf, we are coming, we leave now, see you at the Docks tonight!
Yeah! Excellent! I-AM-LOOKING-FORWARD-VERY-MUCH TO-MEETING-YOU- the line goes dead.
Ring-ring Good afternoon, Moving Target.
Yes, hello, says a slightly over-soft voice, I am calling from Men’s Health & Fitness Magazine [!?] and I would like a press accreditation for the CMWC…
Hold on, I have a call on the other line.
Men’s Health & Fitness? On yer bike, mate.
Hello, there’s one in the post, sir, can I take your address?
The ‘phone rings, there’s a knock at the door – kick the door hard! – bang! Breathe in – hello, Moving Target…
my name is Anne Royne from One Bud, Oslo, and I want to race at the CMWC.
The man at the door stands and looks confused, and asks in broken English, have you seen my team?
Berolino, from Germany. Shit and fuck me.
Never heard of them, ever.
Oh, the boss has taken my money, and the others are coming. Well, maybe they should have told us? A light goes on in myhead and Team Berolino Phone Home Tonight International is born.
Anne, come on over, we have a team for you. I put the ‘phone down; it doesn’t stop ringing for a week. The man in the door-way looks confused, the smell of proj fills Panther House, and hordes of international cycle freaks perform tricks for the Mount Pleasant kids and drink a lot of beer at Churchill’s.
I meet loads of people, talk to even more and have not moved out of the chair by the phone for 4 weeks. Then it all happened. Now it’s my turn to watch the action. Oh no it isn’t.
Sat 13th – Site ‘office’
Ring-ring Hello, my name is Helga Hazelnut from Radio Muenster, could you find me some people from Muenster and tell me which heat theyare in?
The real answer is: of course not, not a fucking chance in Hell, who do you think I am, super fucking man? Yeah, please call back in 30 minutes.
HELLO CYCLE MESSENGER WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS X500
This is Canada, this is New York, this is Copenhagen, this is Zurich, this is Men’s Health & Fitness-
Hold on a minute.
You haven’t sent any press passes. We are not body builders. I’m ever so sorry, there must have been a mix-up in the post, why not turn up and have security contact me from the main entrance? Great, see you tomorrow.
West Gate calling Richard-
go ahead, West Gate-
we have an Israeli journalist here Richard, he says you told him to give you a call when he arrived-
sure, I’m on my way-
Moving Target Base to Richard-
running to West Gate
go ahead MovingTarget-
we’ve got BBC GLR radio in the office and the Independent Newspaper on the blower-
-OK, I’m nearly on my way back.
Sun 14th Site ‘office’ 16:30
With the final over, perhaps the ‘phone will stop ringing. No. 16:34: this is Sweden, this is Canada, this is New York, this is Oslo, this is Muenster, this is Berlin, this is London, this is Holland, this is Berne, this is Spanish TV, this is Men’s Health & Fitness, sorry I couldn’t make it. Well, thanks for thinking of us.