Female Bicycle Messengers - a user's guide
30.12.07 by Ms Nhatt Attack
Girl bicycle messengers. They are cool. And cute. But how are they approached? Nhatt gives some pointers.
So, you’ve just spotted a cute girl on a bike. What now? Well, I say go up and talk to her! But remember a few things.
Do not yell at her from across the road “Hey you! On the bike!” This is rude; unless you have enough charisma that you can pull it off without her thinking someone is about to have a go at her for either riding a stolen bike or for having cut you off or something. If you’re not sure how to yell at someone in a way that isn’t potentially frightening, then don’t.
If you start to ride towards her and she doesn’t see you coming and she rides off, it is ok to follow her, but only until you catch up to her. Do NOT follow her on her 25 mile ride without saying anything, that’s just creepy.
If you start to ride towards her and she DOES see you and rides off anyways, the chances are pretty good that the restraining order hasn’t expired yet and you should give it a few more months. Although I’ve heard yelling “baby, I can change!” in her wake is always helpful.
When you do catch up to said dreamboat on a bike, say “Hi”. I mean, it’s the oldest and best way to start a conversation. If you start with something else you could find yourself rambling on for blocks about how you were just passing by, and you hadn’t seen the bianchi pista before and you were just interested in it’s geometry, and, oh, wow, are those velocity rims? I’ve always wanted a pair of those… …and next thing you know the girl is either a bit scared or so bored she might accidentally fall asleep and run smack into a parked car.
So, say Hi. Then follow it up by introducing yourself. I know this is a bit old fashioned of me, but I hate it when people start talking to me without introducing themselves. If the girl has any manners at all she will then introduce herself. Voila! You say something, she says something, and it’s almost like having a conversation already!
Now this is the tricky part, figuring out what to say next. If you’ve seen her around before, that might be the best angle to work. Say “I’ve seen you riding around before, but haven’t seen you at (insert bike social function that you attend, eg The John Snow, or Rollapaluza, a club ride) the next one is (tonight, in a few weeks, this weekend) you should come! Even if this doesn’t work to get her to make a date with you, at least she will be flattered that you think she should come and do some bike stuff with you and your friends. If you haven’t seen her before, you can still use the same approach, but preface it by asking if she’s new in town.
Something to remember! If she is a messenger, she’s probably in a hurry, so keep it fairly brief. If she likes you she’ll make a point to meet you at said function when she doesn’t have a million packages to deliver. If she doesn’t turn up, then just assume she isn’t into you. Get over it, there are a tonne of other girls, and if you try and convince her that she is into you, you’ll just look creepy.
Ok! So you’re a messenger, she’s a messenger, you both drink at the same shady establishment, and you really really like her. I know this is going to sound stupid and old fashioned, but just invite her out!
And don’t be ambiguous about it, girls hate that. Just go ask her what she’s doing (tomorrow, next Tuesday, after this pint) and then make a suggestion about what she should be doing. BTW, this suggestion should include clothing. For example, “Hey, I was thinking about going to Thai Buffet after this, wanna come with me?” Not, “Hey I was thinking about going home and taking a shower, wanna help?”
I can understand that actually talking to your crush can be awkward sometimes, and there are a few ways around it. Someone once left a note on my bike that said I was cute, and that they would like to take me for a drink. Then they put down their name and their phone number.
This gave me the power to decide whether I wanted to call them, and it was flattering without being creepy. I have, however, also received an unsigned note asking me to sleep with the author, which was not nearly as flattering and definitely creepy.
I know it’s tempting, but please do not ever ask her friends for her phone number. This is putting her mates in an awkward position, and unless she’s already pretty into you, will feel like a violation of privacy to her. Just grow some balls and ask her yourself, for crying out loud, or even better, just give her your number. And if she doesn’t text/ring you back, it probably doesn’t mean that her phone was stolen, it probably means that she doesn’t want to date you.