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Female Bicycle Messengers - a user's guide
30.12.07 by Ms Nhatt Attack

Nhatt pic: Selimski

Girl bicycle messengers. They are cool. And cute. But how are they approached? Nhatt gives some pointers.

So, you’ve just spotted a cute girl on a bike. What now? Well, I say go up and talk to her! But remember a few things.

Do not yell at her from across the road “Hey you! On the bike!” This is rude; unless you have enough charisma that you can pull it off without her thinking someone is about to have a go at her for either riding a stolen bike or for having cut you off or something. If you’re not sure how to yell at someone in a way that isn’t potentially frightening, then don’t.

If you start to ride towards her and she doesn’t see you coming and she rides off, it is ok to follow her, but only until you catch up to her. Do NOT follow her on her 25 mile ride without saying anything, that’s just creepy.

If you start to ride towards her and she DOES see you and rides off anyways, the chances are pretty good that the restraining order hasn’t expired yet and you should give it a few more months. Although I’ve heard yelling “baby, I can change!” in her wake is always helpful.

When you do catch up to said dreamboat on a bike, say “Hi”. I mean, it’s the oldest and best way to start a conversation. If you start with something else you could find yourself rambling on for blocks about how you were just passing by, and you hadn’t seen the bianchi pista before and you were just interested in it’s geometry, and, oh, wow, are those velocity rims? I’ve always wanted a pair of those… …and next thing you know the girl is either a bit scared or so bored she might accidentally fall asleep and run smack into a parked car.
Fact.

So, say Hi. Then follow it up by introducing yourself. I know this is a bit old fashioned of me, but I hate it when people start talking to me without introducing themselves. If the girl has any manners at all she will then introduce herself. Voila! You say something, she says something, and it’s almost like having a conversation already!

Girls! pic noj.johnson

Now this is the tricky part, figuring out what to say next. If you’ve seen her around before, that might be the best angle to work. Say “I’ve seen you riding around before, but haven’t seen you at (insert bike social function that you attend, eg The John Snow, or Rollapaluza, a club ride) the next one is (tonight, in a few weeks, this weekend) you should come! Even if this doesn’t work to get her to make a date with you, at least she will be flattered that you think she should come and do some bike stuff with you and your friends. If you haven’t seen her before, you can still use the same approach, but preface it by asking if she’s new in town.

Something to remember! If she is a messenger, she’s probably in a hurry, so keep it fairly brief. If she likes you she’ll make a point to meet you at said function when she doesn’t have a million packages to deliver. If she doesn’t turn up, then just assume she isn’t into you. Get over it, there are a tonne of other girls, and if you try and convince her that she is into you, you’ll just look creepy.

Ok! So you’re a messenger, she’s a messenger, you both drink at the same shady establishment, and you really really like her. I know this is going to sound stupid and old fashioned, but just invite her out!

And don’t be ambiguous about it, girls hate that. Just go ask her what she’s doing (tomorrow, next Tuesday, after this pint) and then make a suggestion about what she should be doing. BTW, this suggestion should include clothing. For example, “Hey, I was thinking about going to Thai Buffet after this, wanna come with me?” Not, “Hey I was thinking about going home and taking a shower, wanna help?”

I can understand that actually talking to your crush can be awkward sometimes, and there are a few ways around it. Someone once left a note on my bike that said I was cute, and that they would like to take me for a drink. Then they put down their name and their phone number.

This gave me the power to decide whether I wanted to call them, and it was flattering without being creepy. I have, however, also received an unsigned note asking me to sleep with the author, which was not nearly as flattering and definitely creepy.

I know it’s tempting, but please do not ever ask her friends for her phone number. This is putting her mates in an awkward position, and unless she’s already pretty into you, will feel like a violation of privacy to her. Just grow some balls and ask her yourself, for crying out loud, or even better, just give her your number. And if she doesn’t text/ring you back, it probably doesn’t mean that her phone was stolen, it probably means that she doesn’t want to date you.

  1. Do a wheelie missis


    — Oi!    30 December 2007, 19:04    #
  2. blah blah blah, if you see a girly you like you should…tell her she’s a wanker and kick her in the shins. arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!


    — redrum    30 December 2007, 22:10    #
  3. girl advice from bill! another buffalo classic!


    tofu    30 December 2007, 23:47    #
  4. like, get over yourself


    — creepy    31 December 2007, 01:38    #
  5. zzzzzzzzzzzzz


    — michael.toivonen    31 December 2007, 02:10    #
  6. yeah some are cute, like nat. (fancy a drink?) then there is the rest. k9


    — michael.toivonen    31 December 2007, 02:14    #
  7. Aaaahhhh….l’amour…and the shite that goes with it.I liked that…


    — Brice    31 December 2007, 03:56    #
  8. It’s not me, you fool, it’s Nhatt.


    — Bill    31 December 2007, 10:01    #
  9. ah damn, and there’s me writing down all these suggestions so I can finally approach Bill and tell him what I think : (


    — JB    31 December 2007, 10:23    #
  10. Do Not scream “cor…I’d like to sniff your saddle” it lacks panache.


    — ifbm    31 December 2007, 12:43    #
  11. exactly – just sniff it. she will admire your forwardness


    — messenger of doom    31 December 2007, 14:30    #
  12. note to porno mike: what’s “and then there’s the rest” suppose to mean? come and sniff our saddles…. note to nhatt: nobody ever left a note on our bikes, does it mean we’re ugly? but then again we’ve got messenger boys at home already…happy new year to you and to all of you shy couriers out there.


    — papillon and coco    31 December 2007, 17:05    #
  13. I always fancy a drink! And you (and everyone else) can join me for one on the 11th, when I will be safely back home. Note to the lovely City Sprint ladies: You two are beautiful, wonderful, talented and taken. If you two had dated the muppets that I have in the past years then I would respect your no-note complaints. But, as it stands…

    Oh well! Good luck to all of us wonderful ladies and fine gents in 2008


    — Ms. Attack    1 January 2008, 04:16    #
  14. who’s gonna write the guide for receptionists who wanna date couriers???….it’s obviously needed as those shy, humble and grounded females in Soho sure do seem slow to act on the obvious attraction they must have for us (you)


    winston    1 January 2008, 16:39    #
  15. That’s why every London courier should wear lycra Winston. But on the otherhand that might intimidate them even further. Were is swiss tony when you need him?


    — Jos    1 January 2008, 18:35    #
  16. am i the only one cringing? :/


    — fbr    2 January 2008, 14:09    #
  17. So that’s how it’s done!!!Thanx for that…….???????


    — overdrive    2 January 2008, 16:44    #
  18. who would want a courier girlfriend anyways. a woman that hangs around bikemessengers all day. don’t you want to have normal conversation after the work is done. thanx, but ehm no thanx.


    haute courier    3 January 2008, 09:50    #
  19. You could always fall over right in front of her and maybe you’ll get some pity. If she walks off its safe to assume she’s not into you.


    BikeRacked    4 January 2008, 19:05    #
  20. apparently Ms Attack has been appointed official romance spokesperson for all courieresses….are they not all different?


    — matt attack    4 January 2008, 22:10    #
  21. Has the girl with the blue helmet got a House of Pistard radio holster on her bag?


    No one even remotely connected with H.O.P.    7 January 2008, 13:12    #
  22. Mmmm. No. Not. Definitely negative.


    — Not bill    7 January 2008, 13:25    #
  23. Nhatt is officially a Moving Target writer, and she is female and witty (which is more than can be said for some of the blokes contributing comments) she gets to write about bicycle messengers from a female perspective. Just as Moving Target does not claim to speak for all or even any London bicycle messengers, so Nhatt does not claim to speak for all or any females, except herself. Hope that’s cleared up any confusion.


    — Bill    7 January 2008, 13:33    #
  24. Alright B*ll, it’s only a laugh!!!
    Arghhahahahahahaha………


    — overdrive    7 January 2008, 14:43    #
  25. OD, when I think of you I always laugh.


    — Bill    7 January 2008, 15:51    #
  26. it’s one of my NY’s resolutions to entertain more!


    — overdrive    7 January 2008, 16:37    #
  27. there’s only one chap around here who’s man enough for the lovely Nhatt..

    and she’d never turn down a date with a man who’s todger is bigger than the HMS Ark Royal..


    — Swiss Tony    7 January 2008, 22:35    #
  28. Bill has been appointed Nhatt’s official spokesperson.


    winston    8 January 2008, 10:07    #
  29. can we please change the title of this article to “how to pull nhatt”? for accuracy’s sake ;-)


    — sleepy    8 January 2008, 13:06    #
  30. surely it’s easier to throw a big steak at them and see which one bites?


    — papa44    8 January 2008, 17:52    #
  31. Or a nut roast…


    — overdrive    9 January 2008, 09:20    #
  32. Nhatt, if I remember well the first time I met you, on City road, I walked up to you (I had a ped on crutches at that point I think), and said something like “oh uh… hi… well.. do you play bike polo?. hmmm please come on sunday to Brick lane…”
    You pretty much blanked me.
    But in your guide to seduction you suggest pretty much the same approach.
    So…
    Was I REALLY too ugly?


    — yorgo    10 January 2008, 13:50    #
  33. My guess would be to small Yorgo, first you have to have money like tom cruise, then you can pull it off.


    — Jos    10 January 2008, 18:13    #
  34. so if Nhatt is officially a Moving Target writer, than who is this Bill person and what does he do?


    le Haute    11 January 2008, 08:50    #
  35. Well, Yorgo, that was a special case, if you remember. I’m normally a very friendly girl, but was having a hard day at work and appologized for it as soon as I re-met you, I do belive. Not that you’ll let me forget it..


    — Nhatt    12 January 2008, 18:17    #
  36. Bird’s eye view of cycle couriers


    — Bill    13 January 2008, 15:00    #
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