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Fakenger
3.02.07 by Buffalo Bill

London's leading fakenger.  Pic by Jono

“Why can’t they dress up as milk-men instead?” , asked a messenger outside the pub the other night, with a nod over his shoulder at a small crowd of them standing a few feet away.

You know what I mean: Bianchi Pista or a Specialized Langster; SIDIs that haven’t been scuffed or Converse that haven’t been repaired with parcel tape; a Chrome bag that’s still water-proof or a brightly coloured Crumpler; no radio or holster on the strap, only a mobile phone holder or an MP3 player; black Campy hat with a rainbow stripe that has an unbroken peak; a spoke-card from an Alleycat a friend gave them; clean Dickies; no sweat-stains on the t-shirt.

Some messengers call them posengers. Missengers, Tofu called them. I saw a lot of them at the Bicycle Film Festival, hanging around, and taking in the vibes.

But why all the bitching, guys? ‘Real’ messengers complaining about ‘fakengers’ is about as interesting and worthwhile as me telling anyone who will listen that when I first started riding fixies there was only 4 other messengers on fixed in the whole city, or that the correct term is ‘fixed-wheel’ not ‘fixed-gear’. See how annoying it is?

Why do some messengers get resentful when they see other cyclists engaging in the sincerest form of flattery? It’s a mystery. It’s not as if anyone could mistake a fakenger for a messenger, for one thing, the fakenger doesn’t smell nearly as bad, and for another he (or she) is probably paying for his own drinks.

I guess all you fakenger-haters will say that I am only standing up for fakengers now because I am one. And you would be right, I am a fakenger. London Bicycle Fakenger Association anyone?

~See also this article.~

  1. Bill, your seat is too low you fake arse. Messengers suck and are going to lose at raphapaluza cos they are too poor to afford the proper nutrition.


    — muppetleague    3 February 2007, 20:35    #
  2. ...wait, all the messengers at raphapaluza are from Metro – if you pay them, they might win. Rapha rules!


    muppetleague    3 February 2007, 20:37    #
  3. err …cnut!


    muppetleague    3 February 2007, 20:38    #
  4. ‘London Bicycle Fakenger Association anyone?’

    Can I join?


    — Jetbike    3 February 2007, 21:27    #
  5. yeah – put your seat lower though.


    muppetleague    4 February 2007, 15:48    #
  6. If i continue using an ordinary
    rucksack is it ok if i roll up
    my jeans?


    — Vagrant    4 February 2007, 18:17    #
  7. I showed Kieran (London’s fastest bicycle messenger) this page and he looked at the picture and said: ‘that’s a messenger not a fakenger…’ .... lol


    — Bill    5 February 2007, 14:42    #
  8. what’s wrong with bianchi pista..nearest u can get to 70’s frejus track vibe…people need to stop hating and welcome all cyclists..insularity is bred of insecurity


    — breaking away    5 February 2007, 17:56    #
  9. Nothing wrong with Bianchi Pista; nothing wrong with anything that has pedals and gets people from A to B. Cliques and cliqueyness suck.


    — Bill    5 February 2007, 17:58    #
  10. Don’t you want to be in my fakenger controller clique then?


    Caspar    5 February 2007, 18:47    #
  11. Well, I’m the guy who brought you the hat from Lausanne, and actually… I feel like a fakenger, a chromebag without a bike, I hope you didn’t laugh too much, and in fact, I don’t really care.

    Your office is nice, amazing for a messenger of Swizerland to see so many dispatchers… thank for your blog, see you in Dublin… with a bike and an old short


    — michel    5 February 2007, 18:58    #
  12. Hey, Mike over at Cranked magazine had something similar to say about the incorrect association that people make between Cranked and the messenger scene.


    James    5 February 2007, 21:37    #
  13. Hey Michel, thanks for the hat, welcome to the LBFA! It was nice to see you, even if I was a little too busy to show proper appreciation. Bonne chance!


    — Bill    5 February 2007, 22:18    #
  14. do milk-men still exists? where are you ernie


    — the real slim shakey    6 February 2007, 00:15    #
  15. cycling around the old streets of london on a track bike can be such a delight..it must be tough for the messengers that they no longer can keep this arcane activity to themselves


    — breaking away    6 February 2007, 12:38    #
  16. Your not a fakenger because you were a messenger. You know what its like to be soaked to the skin and freezing cold at 10am and still have to work untill at least 6. You’ve broken bones and gone back to work as soon as you could manage. You’ve ridden yourself into the ground for your company. You understand how much this job can make you suffer. You know the high you get from 9-11hrs on the road like nearly no other cyclist. You’ve done the most dangerous job in the world. You’ve earnt your stripes.

    Your not a trendhopper, your not doing this for the image. You have a bond with other messengers that you cannot get from having ‘the right bike’, ‘the right bag’, ‘the right cycle cap’. You don’t ride a $2000 bike because a messenger’s wage would never pay that

    Thats what makes you a messenger and not a fakenger.


    — twitch    6 February 2007, 14:06    #
  17. can any one tell me where i can get my hands on the simply must have crocodile skin bikini’s?


    — jed-eye    6 February 2007, 14:16    #
  18. I do ride a $2000 bike, and when I was a messenger I rode my old $2000 bike. And I never broke a bone working (I broke bones racing, but not working as a bicycle messenger). It might be the most dangerous job in the US, but I don’t think it’s the most dangerous job in the world – Iraqi policeman? Brazilian gold-miner? Don’t expose yourself to ridicule by making such statements. I look like a messenger but I am not. Therefore I am a fakenger.


    — Bill    6 February 2007, 14:22    #
  19. Your not a fakenger because you were a messenger. I think your just suggesting your a fakenger to create a stir amongst messengers. I could be more of a dickabout that but I think you know thats not my style

    anyways I’m not gonna be drawn into arguing on the internet. I’ve made my views quite clear. If anyone wants to debate with me ask after me at the pub.


    — twitch    6 February 2007, 14:42    #
  20. ‘You’ve done the most dangerous job in the world’
    That was a typo, you knew what I ment. It should say one of the most.


    — twitch    6 February 2007, 14:45    #
  21. on many a friday evening i am often under the impresion that i am in deed a brazilian gold-miner, do i qualify as a fakenger, please let me know soon as my canery has stopped singing.

    p.s. i always wondered where Bill got the dough to ride flash bikes around the street with out braking his bones, knowing now that he used to be a corupt Iraqi police man, the pieces in the puzzle are starting to fall in place.


    — jed-eye    6 February 2007, 15:35    #
  22. Provocative, moi?


    — Bill    6 February 2007, 16:12    #
  23. Your all fake! Lets all go to Manchester for the world cup and see how track bikes should be ridden.


    — wee scott    6 February 2007, 23:58    #
  24. Yes, doing messenger work is hard work. It can also be fun. Unlike a lot of other hard jobs. Worst job I ever had, was printing t-shirts. Lots of repetitive movements. That was the hardest work I ever did. Hard work and it sucked! Needless to say, I lasted just about 3 weeks.


    — Therese    7 February 2007, 13:55    #
  25. See, this is another eg of the devisive shit that keeps getting bandied around – part of the inevitable backlash now that fg culture is ‘in’.
    I don’t give a rat’s ass about what ya ride or what clothes ya wear while riding – this is all so much playground bollocks that keeps cyclists divided and bitchin’ at each other. Twitch – messengering yr first job eh? ‘One of the hardest jobs in the world’?? statements like that just make you come over as a bit of a tool. Better to direct your energies into some of the things that REALLY matter to us cyclists, whether they’re commuters, couriers, racers or whatever – things like improving integration on the public transport, educating drivers about sharing the road, getting HGVs etc the fuck out of our cities during the day, getting the state to give a fuck about a cyclists life when they’re mown down by some cock in a lorry…

    And anyway, like someone said above, we’re all fakers. There’s bugger all that’s original in this world. You’re all fakers to me cos I don’t just pussy around town at 15mph all day but ride my track bike HARDCORE style – on the Velodrome at 40mph whilst bangin heads, shoulders and the rest with guys who would f*ck you into the railings at as much as look at you… See, it’s all bragging bollocks.


    — mickster    7 February 2007, 16:24    #
  26. If a chap rides his currently styled fixed wheel bike down the duke and he’s wearing a messenger bag and shoes with little wear, just how is he poser?
    surely he’s just a chap in need of a pint.
    style/styles dictate fashion after all, basically it’s bill’s fault, fortunately the era of striped day-glo skintight leggings is over right bill?


    — andy f*ckin capp!    7 February 2007, 23:11    #
  27. I’ve got a Chopper with Sturmey Archer gears & I go to the track too. Therfore I’m the coolest fakenger.


    — caspar    8 February 2007, 10:29    #
  28. bloody hell, half of you fellas need to take a chill pill! surely more people on bikes is better than more cars? also you might find that these so called “fakengers” might be half decent people who might buy you a pint or talk about something else other than how many shit jobs you got or how many multidrops blah blah blah usual friday night or any other night at the duke nonsense, before the cheap coke and pills kick in!


    — the real slim shakey    8 February 2007, 10:43    #
  29. hi folks,
    almost all of you are fakengers,
    just stop make fetish & religion from your job, start respect other cyclists, ride hard & be careful…


    — one less car    8 February 2007, 12:40    #
  30. I ride to work, I also drink after work. Has anyone thought that the reason people dress like couriers is becuase they wear the most comfortable clothes to both cycle and drink in? See also the bags. Riding to work with change of clothes etc is far easier with a proper bag. The fixed issue is completely different thing and I agree has been highjacked by Nathan Barley types “its the purity of the ride man”...


    — larryred    8 February 2007, 12:42    #
  31. everyone can ride whatever want to. messfakenger stop usurp ait only for yourself right to ride on fixed wheel, its silly…


    — one less car    8 February 2007, 13:12    #
  32. I’ve got a Chipper that is a fixie too. Damn I must be the coolest!


    — caspar    8 February 2007, 14:14    #
  33. When I ride my fixie it has a sticker that says “beer is for winners.” When I drive my truck it has a sticker that says “one less fixie.” Bill’s not a messenger, he’s an old git.


    — Grey    8 February 2007, 21:43    #
  34. Real fakengers™ keep it real – pussy messengers.


    Zak Speedphake    9 February 2007, 08:23    #
  35. to the snobengers…my whip…my rules…my way


    — 2WArmy    9 February 2007, 09:41    #
  36. A few years ago, I was in the dead center of the “hipster” scene. At all the right art openings, the best bars, lastnightsparty, in shoes that cost more than a months rent. And I got really angry, really quickly with all the snobbery surrounding me. I was in someone else’s skin. I then became involved in the “messenger” community through some friends. What I (thought I) found was a group of people who had the same intelligence, involvement and interests as many of the people I previously knew, without any of the rubbish condescending attitudes, or clique mentality. Reading this discourse only saddens me to realise that perhaps what I found to be an open accepting group of people is an illusion. I ride my bike, I wear what is comfortable and I enjoy the company of my friends, messenger, fakenger or neither. No, I havn’t experienced the peril of 9 hours on the road every day, but have you ever asked where I have been, what I have done? You might have a chance to learn something from me as well. In large cities especially, it is hard to find a community, a village in the megatropolis, and the messengers (and friends) have this. Albeit all of this, I do hope that what I first found in the courier “community” does exist beneath the surface. Remember the first time you got on a bike? (excluding when you were 5…) It wasn’t about how you looked, or who you knew. It was the joy of riding.
    (and maybe, for the sake of argument, none of this applies to me because I am a girl…)


    — Someone    9 February 2007, 13:49    #
  37. maybe you are the one i’ve been waiting for.
    would you know were i can get my hands on that crocodile skin bikini.


    — jed-eye mind trix    10 February 2007, 12:07    #
  38. Let’s settle this by group hug!
    (And also opening up the alleycats.)
    Lets make it inclusive.

    I love my bicycle.


    — Vagrant    10 February 2007, 12:44    #
  39. I remember how in the late 8O’s and later the mid 90’s (god that makes it sound likes it was decades away – hold on it actually was decades away!), me and my fellow ‘original’ street skateboarders saw with disdain the ride of skateboard fashion in the non-skating public..

    You guys will have reasons to complain when kids will start wearing SIDIs, rolled up jeans, Campag caps and Chrome bags to go out in the evening, WITHOUT A BIKE. In the meantime you should just be glad there are more cyclists out there, risking their life as much as you, probably even more because they’re riding their Pistas brakeless straight out of Evans…


    — le car    10 February 2007, 19:02    #
  40. Ah what ho, the old ever decreasing circles. How much does it matter? Fun to read though, cheers.


    nanosan    12 February 2007, 10:29    #
  41. hehe true le car

    now I as the ‘fakenger’ that I am can see why someone rocking in to crystal palace with a world championship jersey would raise an eyebrow or two but you wont generally see a racer sticking his foot too far in his mouth before the gun goes based on an item of clothing…fuck it maybe he is a world champion

    and I wont lie I hate bromptons, people who wear helmets backwards and tricycle racing but when my stinky messenger mates start getting huffy about fashion I wanna jam their collective radios up their arses, its not a fucking uniform is it??

    On a slightly unrelated point whos the chap with the ski goggles, he cracks me up every time I see him, champion!!


    — fixedfiend    14 February 2007, 15:03    #
  42. I wonder if early pioneers of the bicycle such as Baron Karl von Drais would regard us all as fakelists.


    — Walshy    16 February 2007, 12:19    #
  43. Incorrect article info. Fixed wheel is a gear ratio set by wheel size – the pedals are fixed directly to the wheel e.g. penny farthings.

    Do not worry about genuine or non-genuine couriers – it is all the same – low-speed, low-effort. Try racing – you will have fewer words.


    — Martin    25 February 2007, 23:11    #
  44. Martin

    thanks for the tips. I’ll be sure to try some ‘racing’ sometime in an effort to cut down on superfluous words. Like pendant.


    — London's leading fakenger    27 February 2007, 09:36    #
  45. well i ride fixed and thought riding it all day to pay the rent would be ace. so i tried it but instead it turned out to be shite. all the office bimbo’s looked at me like i was a piece of shit as i turned up all sweat blood and mud in their offices and the pay was crap. so i quit after one day got another job teaching kiddies to ride but i still ride fixed, have a messenger bag and like to hang out with some messengers sometimes to talk bikes and drink beer. i dont give a fuck if im a fakenger, surely its about the bike and riding and how fucking ace it is to ride fixed? and all the messenger stuff like the bag and little locks are just stuff that messengers realised were the most economical, light and easiest things to use when riding..well done for doing that its good that people riding all the time can pass on that info..but..i know its hard to let go of the baby but try to be happy that others are enjoying it too.


    — grrrl    3 March 2007, 12:49    #
  46. I’m a fakenger to be honest.


    Fakenger of Doom    4 March 2007, 19:56    #
  47. Personally I think the touring bike will be the next big thing. Fenders, racks and barends…what’s not to love.


    renorambler    30 March 2007, 03:27    #
  48. I hate these guys, they give me the creeps, but I’ve also found the best way to deal with them is to wait for someone else to point it out (or to catch them telling a lie about what they do for a living). Their humiliation comes with blank stares of confusion when someone finally asks them if they’re “a messenger or what??” Either they have to explain their whole getup, or they tell an obvious lie that it is then my place to call them on. My favorite time was on a ride this faker tried to lie and say he had worked for a company I used to work for — he didn’t even know their real name, the boss’s name, or where the office was.

    Speaking of clearing up illusions; I’ve been a bike courier for 4 years, am self employed with a great clientele, never do drugs or even drink much, make great money, and I have never ridden a fixed gear. I also drive trucks, when they come in handy. I use the bike most all the time just because it’s the best tool for the job.


    roy    3 April 2007, 06:53    #
  49. if messengers only would start wearing white spandex skinsuits. fakengers would be outnumbered in no time.

    and after a couple of beers we wouldn’t even notice anymore


    haute courier    4 May 2007, 09:52    #
  50. ....a couple of links below:- cyclists that know a bit about the grind of long bikes rides….theyre both fakengers tho I expect.
    http://www.alastairhumphreys.com/
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graeme_Obree


    — kipsy    14 May 2007, 15:48    #
  51. bring back denim look lycra. Or maybe denim look lycra tights. They’d be the skinniest jeans you’ve ever seen. Seriously who cares.

    : )


    — carmen    15 May 2007, 18:50    #
  52. only fakengers have the money for a ‘pooter to look at moving target.
    Plus…
    Messengers spend their day on a bike so they can’t post stuff innit


    — sid    22 May 2007, 20:38    #
  53. I’ve been into bikes for ever, and lots of other stuff too, my view is who cares have fun, I’m selling the last bike i’ve built to the never ending cricle of it all.

    xxx

    pwee


    — pezy    4 June 2007, 13:58    #
  54. does anyone remember that guy ‘97ish with a blonde curly bob and an all in on white skinsuit with spedo length shorts? why did that look not catch on?


    — footlong    5 June 2007, 08:56    #
  55. Ahh, Calvin I think his name was. Short fuse that boy had. Didn’t he wear trainers with the skinsuit?


    — Bill    5 June 2007, 09:44    #
  56. he sounds like my absolute fucking hero. remember the bloke that had the army helmet and matching shorts? used to crack me up.


    — flappy feet    5 June 2007, 18:46    #
  57. Do you mean Aubrey? Black guy, always rode a MTB


    — Bill    5 June 2007, 19:13    #
  58. no, he was a white guy, quite young. wasn’t aubrey the loon from wheels despatch that wore a top hat with a feather in it? my god the more i think about it the crazier the people i can remember


    — flappy feet    5 June 2007, 20:28    #
  59. Hi all, sorry to see some cyclists bitching about each other like 10 year old girls, but hey ho – I’ve ridden fixed since ITV sponsored Muddy Foxes were all the rage(!), so yall are fakendugs. Or as Walshy said above – fakelists the lot of you!!
    Anyway keep riding everyone and enjoy another beautiful day on the bike.


    — Dug    11 June 2007, 11:48    #
  60. The difference is Dug, or do you mind if i call you dog, is that we is rockin and you is suckin


    — keeping it fakenger    11 June 2007, 12:08    #
  61. yo flappy feet, the loon who wore a top hat with feather (and frequently also full skelington skinsuit)was the dear boy Rohan, he used to control a bit too and I had the pleasure of being directed by him at my first firm, Hornets. He’s moved to bournemouth or somewhere some time ago and I’ve sadly lost touch with him, but he was most definitely the real thing, barking mad and all-lovely bloke.
    S.


    nanosan    11 June 2007, 13:29    #
  62. Once, in the pissing rain I said, ‘nice weather for it’ to him and he said, “I din’t come to work for the weather.”

    Well he couldn’t have come in for the money so I was a bit confused. Next time I saw him on Roseberry Ave I dropped him the miserable cu..


    — _muppetbot    11 June 2007, 14:00    #
  63. har! thats right! the skeleton skinsuit! what a lovable nutter. he was controlling at wheels when i was there. he told me off for shouting wanker down the radio at him all day. but it wasn’t me. it was about 3 other people winding him up…

    @ muppetbot “I didn’t come to work for the weather” is now my second favorite quote… sounds like it should have come from arnold swarzenmessenger


    — flappy feet    11 June 2007, 14:41    #
  64. Hello everybody.

    I dont fake being a messenger. I just ride the bikes I like that suit the purpose best. I wear the clothes that work and use a bag that lasts. Low and behold it is similar to a messengers gear, because my needs are similar.

    I’m a commutinger and a cycloverenger.

    I’m friends with a couple of messengers. I make 3 times the money they do and work shorter hours. Obvioulsy that is not the be all and end all but its hard to live in Dublin on a messengers salary… let alone afford all the schweet new chrome stuff I just got (thats a joke).

    Ta ta


    — Scary    30 August 2007, 16:00    #
  65. What do you want, a badge?


    — Ronnie Darko    31 August 2007, 10:28    #
  66. blue peterenger.


    _targetbot    31 August 2007, 10:39    #
  67. Yes please, but only if it helps me trick people into thinking I’m a messenger… coz I’d love that!

    Peace


    — Scary    31 August 2007, 14:53    #
  68. you suck. Now fuck off.


    Eddy Merckx    31 August 2007, 15:31    #
  69. Scary you makin all that money and bitchin around in your full chrome get up but you still can’t get laid! That’s sad is it not?


    — Scared    31 August 2007, 22:32    #
  70. I worked in the building next door to the Duke for eight years and I have never been in. I mention this in case anyone sees me on the Langster or Pista I’m planning to buy and thinks I’m a “fakenger” (puhleese). I’m not, I just fancy a fixed gear bike as an occasional alternative to my Brompton. Similarly, if my jeans are rolled up that would be to keep them out of my chain and if they’re dirty, it’s because I’m a slut, not because I want to pass myself off as a homeless.

    Peace y’all.


    — Paul Bowen    4 November 2007, 09:59    #
  71. sorry peps, forgot “BOORING” cunts


    — michael.toivonen    20 December 2007, 02:22    #
  72. i guess its sorta flattering, till one of them trys to “race” you during work and gets someone hurt. endless bummer.


    — sardine    7 January 2008, 21:30    #
  73. http://www.undergroundcollectibles.com/index.cfm/fa/categories.main/parentcat/10298/endrw/96


    snarf    7 July 2008, 01:12    #
  74. I’m not a messenger because I can change a flat without swearing outside Evans cycles.


    — Davey    7 July 2008, 14:05    #
  75. No your not a messenger.You use Evans!


    — overdrive    7 July 2008, 17:12    #
  76. never race, draft


    — johnsatisfaction    7 July 2008, 17:30    #
  77. Could Elvis come and personally put water in my liquor? Leave my culture alone. I freeride my deliveries faster than road bikers and all fixed gear fruitcakes. When some bitch says “you don’t look like a messenger” I know the trend has gone too far.

    Spayed and neutered your bike is fixed; Take off the tight jeans and grow a pair. On my day off I don’t dress up as a fireman, although I hear its glamorous.

    Want to emulate my culture and flatter me? Where were you in the freezing rain? Try emulating getting fucked with by security guards all day in DC. I’d like to see you take the trend so far as to carry around 68lbs of drafting paper. In another few years I’ll make a snide comment as you try to sell your ‘fixie’ at a yard sale. Remember this post as your bike collects dust.

    I don’t wear my messenger career as a badge when I go out in the evening. So why should you use it as some kind of social badge when you don’t even do it yourself?

    Would it not annoy if there was constant chatter in the bar about your career? I guess there is just more depth to my personality than riding bicycles all day. When someone who doesn’t know shit from fuck uses couriering as their entire persona, it gets a bit dull. Taken in small doses now and again it would only be another dullard proclaiming how asinine his personality is. Face the facts, you have no understanding of bike messengering, nor can you understand how obnoxious we perceive this trend to be. Maybe it is time for you to ‘live the dream’? Try out couriering in a major city and see how you feel.


    — Devin    10 September 2008, 01:04    #
  78. shit what if you ride fixxie for the love

    i dont fuck with the imitating messengers, i just ride bikes


    — ?    13 September 2008, 01:21    #
  79. I am new at this and was wondering if i could get advice on how best to start my first set up.

    I have some limitations. Based on my budget, and i have a 20 ft by 20 ft room size, i have gone to do listen to some demo set ups. Unfortunately, most shops around me are sole agents for one brand or another, so they keep pushing for their own carrying brands. It’s difficult to get listen to certain speakers matched with certain amps. However, i have managed to shortlist what’s available and sounded good. the recommendations i have to date are:

    Plinius 9100 int. amp, matched with Dynaudio Focus 110,

    Naim nait 5i int. amp matched with Neat Motive 2,

    Roksan Kandy 3 matched with Neat Motive 2,

    Cyrus Preamp VS2 and PSX – R /Series 8 Power, matched with Neat Motive 2, and lastly

    Cyrus Preamp VS2 and PSX – R /Series 8 Power matched with Dynaudio Focus 110.

    (Cables used, consistently Chord Epic – BTW, is that an overkill or can i eventually get Chord Odyssey? How about Atlas Hyper 2.0??).

    Any advice? I am slanting towards Option 5 – Cyrus set up. My music is diverse, bits of jazz to bits of rock. .

    Appreciate any and all advice.


    — 1R    16 September 2008, 16:48    #
  80. Ooops, wrong forum :-)


    — 1R    16 September 2008, 16:57    #
  81. Wow . . you guys are all cunts lol. There are the guys who are saying ‘Yadda yadda. I’m a messenger! Yeah I work in the rain, I’m hardcore. I hate the way people copy what I wear. My job is shitty but I love it’. Now in my humble opinion there is some serious narcissism going on here. Who cares if people are biting other peoples styles. If you really care that much then your just as bad as the ‘fakengers’ that ‘plague the city streets’. If you weren’t so obsesed with this image you’ve cultivated for yourselves you wouldn’t give a fuck whether people had a similar one or not. Yes you have a hard job and yes someone has to do it. But just do it and shut the fuck up. We all got things we complain about but most of the time we just do it. ‘Remember this post as your bike collects dust’! What is this! We are not in Hollywood and appocalyptic lines like this are fairly pointless. Get over yourself.

    But really, I mean honestly, does anyone really give a fuck?

    And thats my 2 cents. x


    — No-one in particular    2 April 2009, 00:35    #
  82. Thankyou for that.You’ve just enriched the best thread on here!


    — overdrive    2 April 2009, 09:03    #
  83. I think I might close this to further comments. F*k*ng*r is soooo 2007.


    — Bill    2 April 2009, 09:15    #
  84. please visist: Fakengers using courier credits in traffic!

    www.fuccit.com


    — stoffel    5 June 2009, 10:54    #
  85. I just read the biggest pile of crap on the Guardian cycling blog.


    — overdrive    25 June 2009, 12:27    #
  86. I was a bike messenger for 12 years, 11 of them in Chicago, and last year in Austin Tx, the recession killed my job, am now a pedicab owner and driver. While I was a messenger I saw lots of cyclists of all kinds, there were of course the ones that look like messengers in their outfits and bike preference (BTW I only rode a track bike for 6 months till I realized it was way more work than a road bike with gears, and more dangerous). This people that now are called fakengers or possengers, would try to emulate the best of the messengers moves, like skidding or trakstading and passing cars at full speed while the lights was turning red. I saw some of them crash, I saw a lot of them do stupid things, but over all the feeling I was left with was that the police always thought this folks where messengers and so all the messengers had to suffer from the few or many idiots in bikes, I agree, some of this idiots were messengers indeed, but alas they were also rookies. I think that is why the fakengers or possengers came to be viewed as a bad thing, they didn’t learn the rules of the streets (which are not the rules of the road as in the law). There is nothing wrong with more people in bikes, even if they dress in messenger looks. Whats wrong is the stupid attitude, of wrongly emulating what fakengers think is riding a bike as messengers do.


    — razpones    25 August 2009, 17:13    #
  87. In my view there’s been a change in attitudes towards the fakengers that can only be seen as a good thing.Couriers no longer have contempt for them as they know that at the end of an evening spent racing alleycats the fakenger girls will be going home with the likely winner which is always a courier.Besides,there is a new force on the streets that is far more detrimental to the integrity of our culture.Couriers and fakengers must put their grudges to one side,bury the hatchet and unite to stop the scum of the road,the f*cking hipster!


    — overdrive    26 August 2009, 10:18    #
  88. That shows how out of the loop i am, i thought a fakenger was a hipster? Since when did you take a fakenger girl home Overestimate?


    — Zack speedfast    26 August 2009, 11:03    #
  89. I took your sister home after I won the Mantathalon.


    — overdrive    26 August 2009, 13:09    #
  90. That wasn’t my sister, that was Dazzler dressed up as a woman. He told me you gave it to him hard, like a real man, and slapped him round a bit.


    — Zack speedfast    27 August 2009, 10:43    #
  91. sounds like a fantasy of yours,zack.you’ve been working in the outback too long,buddy.


    — overdrive    27 August 2009, 11:08    #
  92. Touring bikes and shoppers are where it’s at!


    — jj wyatt    28 September 2009, 22:21    #
  93. plonkengers are the new chavs.


    — ronnie d    29 September 2009, 23:35    #
  94. i love this post. still getting comments 2 years after it was written


    — papa44    6 October 2009, 18:05    #
  95. www.movingtargetzine…

    ^^^This is quite amusing^^^


    — overdrive    7 October 2009, 09:13    #
  96. Dear Fakengers and the rest of you box of dimwits,

    Stop riding through red lights right in front of the pedestrians and the police etc. what’s the f***ing point?? You look really pathetic and you make cyclists look f***ing STUPID!!! JUST. F***ING. STOP. IT. YOU. STUPID. F***ING. TWATS.

    Yours sincerely

    Rio Lenger


    — realenger    12 November 2009, 18:29    #
  97. p.s. See that big green box on the road back here with the big picture of a bicycle on it that you just blindly rode through in favour of floundering about into the middle of the road/crossing looking like a completely childish, ignorant and clueless feckwit?

    That’s specially for us cyclists that is.


    — realenger    13 November 2009, 19:01    #
  98. trying hard…never will…ever will be…fucking fakengers


    — xx    30 January 2010, 06:22    #
  99. fucking fakengers….wait till you kiss the asphalt from using a fixed gear bike so you learn your lesson


    — a bicycle messenger    30 January 2010, 12:22    #
  100. “fucking fakengers….wait till you kiss the asphalt from using a fixed gear bike so you learn your lesson” Erm, I thought fakengers did use fixed gear bikes, no?


    — michael toivonen    6 February 2010, 15:57    #
  101. ITT : fakengers despising other fakenegers while somehow reasoning that they themselves are not fakengers.


    APOLLO    11 March 2010, 23:19    #
  102. This one’s gonna run and run….f*cking fakengers..f*ck them etc…


    — overdrive    12 March 2010, 12:01    #
  103. wow, some of these comments are hilarious, especially the serious ones (#77, thanks mate I laughed hard at that one) – like it’s somehow important if someone is pretending to be a courier? I mean these people aren’t walking around with imaginary radios going “POB EC2” are they?

    Fair enough if they did, that would be annoying, but all this crap is because some people ride bikes & dress the same as some other people that ride bikes but…have a different job?

    Why would you courier all day long in jeans like some wannabe NYC rockstar anyway…u lot must flay all your thigh skin off after 7 hours of rain, respect, that is indeed hardcore.

    I did my stint as a courier (soz, i missed the messenger renaming memo) a long time ago and still ride a bike, that’s OK isnt it? I don’t want to piss any1 off or anything, I don’t think I have a license to use this timbuk and my courier cred expired a long time ago…thank god


    — old fart    12 March 2010, 22:55    #
  104. You really are out of the loop my friend.The wanna be rockstar look went out with the Romans.I’m currently rocking the “undecided whether to play a round of golf or go fixie-mincing“and even that is so last decade.Hardcore.


    — overdrive    14 March 2010, 16:19    #
  105. Thats funny, as when I was a messenger, there were no fakers. We were the bottom of the food chain! Who in the fuck would want to be a messenger? I did it for 12 years, then landed a good job(good pay anyway). Got my first messenger gig at Kangaroo, then RoadRunner, QuickSiver, Speedway, SiverBullet and Western.

    Thank God I made thru the 12 years!

    Nice site.

    Thanks, Ben.


    — EZ85    21 July 2011, 03:54    #
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