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Courier race at Smithfield Nocturne
3.05.07 by Buffalo Bill

It’s on! I don’t have any other details, but the Smithfield Nocturne is definitely happening. The date is 23rd June, and according to the event promoters, the Nocturne is the Corporation of London’s official pre Tour de France event and we are hosting the event in partnership with Rapha Condor, Paul Smith and Getty Images. It is set to be a fantastic action-packed evening and is a great way to get involved with cycling so close to the Tour De France. Channel 4 have scheduled 3 × 1hr programmes for the event. We are expecting over 5000 people to attend. I notice that there is a ‘Classic Car Exhibition’ as part of the ‘action packed evening’. Eh?

Looking at the course, it appears that it is disappointingly going the right way around the Smithfield one-way. It would be nice to see couriers going the wrong way down West Smithfield under the noses of the Snow Hill bike squad.

Therese Bjorn, who has her finger in that pie too, tells me that Nelly, the Race Captain of the 2003 European Cycle Messenger Championships, is in charge of courier part of the evening. I haven’t been able to get hold of him for a comment but I’m sure that whatever he comes up with will be fun and mind-bending. Expect it to be ringer-tastic and crash-tastic, too.

According to the information on the website, the rather unique messenger race… ...will incorporate teams from some of London’s best know [sic] courier firms. The messengers will take part in a delivery and pick up challenge with packages and points around the route that need to be collected and signed off. With lots of zig-zagging and stopping and starting it is expected to be a real crowd pleaser and a fiercely competitive event! So it’s going to be a real messenger race, not a race for messengers, if you follow my meaning.

  1. It says that “Following our messenger race we will be featuring a “Le Mans Start” folding bike race – wherein competitors in full overalls will wait 15m away from their folded bikes, on the drop of the British Flag the competitors will run to their steeds, build them and set off on a 5 lap dash.”

    So, Bill, bike messengers are reduced to a warm up act for the ‘Bromptonocracy’?

    Jack    3 May 2007, 18:59    #
  2. Acutally, this is a clever move by the organisers. The earlier the messenger race is, the more likely that the participants will still be sober…

    — Bill    4 May 2007, 09:15    #
  3. ooooh bugger…

    nanosan    4 May 2007, 15:09    #
  4. “the messengers will take part in a delivery and pick up challenge with packages and points around the route that need to be collected and signed off”

    in fact, just like monday was. and tuesday. and, come to think of it, every day. fuck me, what fun. and why the fuck will there be “zig-zagging”? will we have to compete on those clown bikes that turn the opposite way to where you steer?

    — flappy feet    5 May 2007, 14:08    #
  5. Are you the guy that once said: “cycle messenger championship? sounds like postman of the year” or ‘I ride my bike all week, why should I ride it at the week-end especially if I’m not getting paid for it?’

    — Bill    5 May 2007, 16:45    #
  6. I agree with flappy feet why must we race in a clown like start stop race which decides who is the top muppet of London. Why not a flat-out laps race with crashes and yobbery. Will you be representing the controller team Bill or the messenger pensioners team? No one will be able to beat those glorified postmen arseholes at Metro anyway.

    — Disgruntled slow messenger with back ache    6 May 2007, 17:19    #
  7. Are you the guy that once said: “cycle messenger championship? sounds like postman of the year” or ‘I ride my bike all week, why should I ride it at the week-end especially if I’m not getting paid for it?’

    Har! that wasn’t me but i’m with who ever it was. except the bit about riding without getting paid, i live on my bike, seriously, my nut sack is like polished leather. i’m up for the good bit; flat-out laps race with crashes and yobbery, just saying they can keep the “can you sign and print here please? bit

    — flappy feet    7 May 2007, 11:54    #
  8. If I race at all, I will obviously be capitaine sur route de l’equipe de fakenger

    — Bill    7 May 2007, 20:41    #
  9. we’ll only race for a 100 quid each.

    — metro arseholes    8 May 2007, 17:35    #
  10. i blah blah blah...

    — some muppet    9 May 2007, 14:40    #
  11. Now I’d love to take part in the folding bike race, seeing as how I’m not famous, not a messenger and ride like a complete clown in 4th cat races so have no hope of ever reaching Elite. How do I go about getting in for that?

    Alex Murray    10 May 2007, 00:55    #
  12. Don’t worry Alex, most 4th cats can take out any messenger – just use a bigger gear than their choice of one will allow.

    _targetbot    10 May 2007, 09:12    #
  13. speak for yourself tagetbox the 1st. You are a C…

    — targetbox the 2nd    10 May 2007, 11:53    #
  14. Wow! This is turning into an even better cat-fight than the fakenger thing…

    — Bill    10 May 2007, 12:46    #
  15. Ben that was Mike62 calling you a cnut.

    — supergrass    10 May 2007, 13:02    #
  16. In fact anyone who eats red meat from dead baby animals has a good chance of beating some skinny ayurvedic vegetarian fixed-single-whatever tajine-cooking messenger.

    _targetbot    10 May 2007, 13:44    #
  17. so anybody actually want to know whats going to be happening?

    they wont do a standard crit, cause messengers are shit at riding in a group. simple as. it will be like the team race at ecmc. relay style, but with four very different routes/ manifests. there may be other tasks that annoy or titilate. but the idea is to keep the crowds enertained.

    it’s only half an hour of the night,its worth bragging points. safer than an alleycat, but sadly the wont allow me to put a slammer checkpoint in it.

    here endeth the king fakinger lesson.

    oh, ps. its runningclockwise, which i make, the wrong way round smithfield.

    — sir nellington.....    10 May 2007, 17:56    #
  18. wicked! Thanks for info, Nelly.

    — Bill    10 May 2007, 21:57    #
  19. i fancy CTC’s Dave Holladay for the Brompton race. Check his spec. 80 gear inches!

    Jack    11 May 2007, 01:53    #
  20. excellent. i like the sound of a wrong way round smithfield race (although i can’t say i ever took the trouble to find out which was the correct way). now all i have to do is figure out if my firm is one of London’s best know [sic] courier firms.

    — flappy feet    11 May 2007, 18:45    #
  21. so can i just race a crit there on a 3rd cat licence and take out the bunch, seeing as how i cant ride in a group?

    — a messenger    12 May 2007, 00:13    #
  22. No.

    — Bill    12 May 2007, 13:52    #
  23. wowsers, what tangents! I reckon that a vegan on a brompton has a good chance at cleaning up in the officially sanctioned messenger bollox…er, race.

    I know! Can we have a fixed gear assembly race? Then the courier who’s packages have the least amount of grease on them in the end wins. I gotta pair of pink marigolds saved up for this one….

    — !nhattattack! easily the dirtiest and pinkest thing on two wheels    13 May 2007, 12:52    #
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